I was just wondering if anyone on here would know where to file a complaint about a joke a professor made during class. I am currently taking Intro. to Religious Studies and my overtly LDS professor made a joke that I, as a gay person, was very uncomfortable with. He said that sharing that he was a Democrat in Utah was the equivalent as a gay person coming out. I just sat there, stunned, almost saying something. None of my family knows that I'm gay because they would hate me for it. I'm still in the closet, but you know, it's fabulous that he thinks that being Democrat is the same thing as a lifetime of feeling shity about yourself. I should've said something right there...but just a couple weeks ago the class was talking about how much they don't approve of gay rights. I didn't feel safe saying anything.

Since you are still in the closet, you might want to write the professor an anonymous note with a copy to the department chair. I don't think it's a case of the professor being mean spirited -- just ignorant. Educate him in a civil manner.

Talk to the professor or as said, write a letter. If he continues with his behavior, then start the complaint process. Usually how I solve issues.

I wouldn't even make the note anonymous. I'd show up at his office hours and explain that the joke was insensitive. I would also say that he is not creating a safe and participatory environment in his classroom, based on the prior discussion. You don't need to say a single thing about you being gay. I work in academia and being sensitive about LGBT issues is a thing among gay and straight people alike.

He really may not be a jerk, he just might be a clod, and pointing out his insensitivity (in a non-hostile manner) might be helping him out.

But I don't take anonymous comments about anything seriously.

Must resist pointing out that you are anonymous.

jacob Wrote:
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> Must resist pointing out that you are anonymous.


I'm on an internet chat board where everyone is anonymous. If I want to be taken seriously by another human being, I own my complaints.

It was a joke. Sorry dry humor just isn't funny if you have to tell everyone that it is humor.

That's a good way to handle it as well.

I would agree - I would quickly change if a student nicely came to me and pointed out that while he probably just thought it was funny to compare being a democrat with coming out as gay, it is dramatically different in Utah, and that the kind of jokes being made in the class are bound to be upsetting and disruptive to the learning environment for gay students and anyone who has a close gay friend or family member. Not all profs are reasonable - I had a colleague who would try to stop adults from using the bathroom during lectures. If he is at all reasonable, approach him first. I would actually follow it up in writing in an email - if there is written evidence that you talked to him you can show that as part if a complaint if for some reason he retaliates. Because in any university I have been associated with, you would definitely be considered right in this case. If you talk to him and it continues or worsens, talk to the chair and/or file a complaint. Someone in the GSA club if you have one, or the faculty/student union, or on the school paper, or a counselor will help you think through your options and do it in a way that promotes healthy change. I am not gay, but I would, I hope, do the same if I was in your class, for the sake of my many gay friends who suffered growing up Mormon.

Leave Utah as soon as you can. Here in the Bay Area, there is no need for closets. You can live a life in the sun, with a spouse, kids, and no flack from most of the community.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2014 01:05PM by vh65.

Given the context of the joke it is in good taste. Your just reading too much into it. I don't think he was being hurtful except for maybe to the "Mormon" Republicans in the room. You said that your family would hate you if you came out. I know families that hate each other because of their political views.
The point is that no one should hate anyone. Especially Mormons who pride themselves as superior moralist. So we laugh at the joke because it is true, because they are wrong, they are the thing they hate the most. (not all Mormons, just the ones I know;)

As an exmo lesbian reading that I think your professor makes an apt comparison. In Utah, people are as likely to think being a democrat is as shocking as people anywhere else in the country are to think being gay is shocking. And anywhere else in the country, being gay is just not that shocking, maybe a bit to severe conservatives. I think the tone in which he said this may be what you are taking offense to, or the fact that your class earlier made some cracks about gay people. What worries me the most about your post is that you said "being Democrat is the same thing as a lifetime of feeling shity about yourself". You do not need to spend a lifetime feeling shitty about yourself. You need to stop feeling shitty about yourself right this minute. If moving out of Utah valley will do that for you, do it. Go to Moab or Park City if you can't leave Utah. There is nothing wrong with being gay and other people's attitudes about it say more about them than about you. Grab your fabulous life now and don't waste a single second more feeling shitty about being gay or anything else about you.

This is great advice. Get out and stop feeling bad! And while every family is different, the three gay guys I know who came out all had it rough with their very Mormon parents AT First. In fact, one mom told me she flew to NYC to tell her 28-year-old son he was living in sin. She is SO past that now, and his partner comes for Christmas every year. It took some adjustment but all of these guys are loved and accepted by their families.

There may be a bumpy road ahead, but: It gets better.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2014 01:13PM by vh65.

Start with the professor directly. If you need to take it further, the next step is the department chair. Your course is part of philosophy and the DC is Dr Mussett. I know her and she is great. Don't make your complaint anonymous, Dr Mussett will respect confidentiality.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2014 12:26PM by caedmon.

Pertaining to my comments about "feeling shity": I mean to say that people really have made me feel badly about this. On purpose or on accident. **edit** I don't mean that I constantly feel this way. I just don't feel safe talking about it because of the backlash I know I'll get. I don't think that comparing being gay to being Democrat is apt because I don't think anyone would wish hell and damnation on a person for their political party. They may disagree with your political leanings, but they don't have slurs to sling at you.

I may go talk to him. But his previous comments make it seem like it'll fall on deaf ears. And I have serious anxiety issues that make confrontation really hard.

Ugh. I just feel like this was stupid.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2014 12:39PM by tamm.

It will be good training for when you are out in the working world as a full-time professional, because these same issues come up at work as well. Your complaint is valid and is worth discussing with your professor.

It sounds like you aren't aware of just how demonized the left wing is in Utah. In my home growing up I heard all sorts of hateful slurs being thrown at left wingers, as if they were worse than Satan. This part of super right wing culture from Utah might help you put his comment into context, as for those of us who grew up hearing shear political hate, the comparison seems spot on. Then again, you have every right to feel the way you do, and an anonymous email calmly asking for the professor to be more understanding might well be in order, if for no other reason than to be heard by him. It is important for you to be heard and validated if he would do so, because even though I disagree, I can see why you could be hurt over the joke. It is perfectly rational.

Although, your internal pain might be more what this is about, channeling all of the many instances of hate, bigotry, and repression into one single occurence that would not have been as big of a deal if you hadn't been treated so horribly for so long. This last paragraph is pure conjecture, though, so please don't take it seriously.

Edit, of course it feels stupid. It IS stupid. Society is stupid for not accepting gays, and it is our everyday friends and loved ones who happen to be homosexual that get to suffer most for it. Bigotry is stupid in all forms. You are spot on when saying that this is stupid, because you don't deserve these feelings, you don't deserve to have to hide. You should be able to be free and open.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2014 12:47PM by notnewatthisanymore.

A high school friend of mine is a Mormon democrat (the horror!). When he was getting married the bride's mother was terribly upset about this match. His bride-to-be was trying to understand where her Mom was coming from. She reminded her mom that she wasn't that upset when her brother came out of the closet, so she couldn't understand why her marrying a democrat was such a big issue. Her mom said, "Your brother can change, your fiance can't!"

You haven't met some of my facebook friends then. I have one in particular that is convinced Obama is the most evil man in the world and that no true Christian could ever be a democrat. I agree with you that there is a difference between your political opinions and something that cuts a lot deeper to your identity like your sexuality. It doesn't sound to me like the professor meant to disparage gay people in any way. He was just pointing out how seriously some people take their politics in the LDS church. They see being a Democrat as being a sin just like being gay.

dazed11 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> You haven't met some of my facebook friends then.
> I have one in particular that is convinced Obama
> is the most evil man in the world and that no true
> Christian could ever be a democrat. I agree with
> you that there is a difference between your
> political opinions and something that cuts a lot
> deeper to your identity like your sexuality. It
> doesn't sound to me like the professor meant to
> disparage gay people in any way. He was just
> pointing out how seriously some people take their
> politics in the LDS church. They see being a
> Democrat as being a sin just like being gay.

Ok. Nvm. Very sorry.
It's just that he said that when he ended up running for office in Utah county everyone still supported him (put out signs and such). So it didn't feel anything like what I've experienced.

It does not sound like it was intended as a slur.

Part of getting a University education is learning to choose your battles carefully, and to not be offended by the comments of others.

It was some insensitive hyperbole, and there's no way Democrats in Utah have been treated as badly as gays, but at least he's recognized the polarization...

An alternative would be an anonymous note (there's no reason to expose yourself at this point if you choose not to) validating that you can "see" where he is headed, but asking him to be more sensitive and acknowledging that human rights on Planet Utah have a long way to go.

I wish you well...



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2014 04:12PM by SL Cabbie.

Talking directly the professor first would be the best course to take--but becuase you have not come out as gay yet, I can see how that might be a problem. YOu could just tell him in general terms that the statement bothered you in general because it comes across as biased.

You could contact Academic Affairs and tell them what happend. THe professor will be spoken.

By the way--when you're ready to come out, UVU's gay/lesbian student club has two excellent faculty advisors, who really take care of the kids. Not long ago one of the students was kicked out of his home by his LDS parents. The advisors helped him find housing, a job, etc.

(Disclosure: I work at UVU.)

Could we close the thread? After the personal attack a few comments ago I just don't feel okay about having this on here.
I feel terrible about bringing this up and wish I hadn't posted about it.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/19/2014 06:06PM by tamm.

That person was wrong. I have reported the comment. Don't feel bad about this, it is obviously a difficult question and a little help and differing points of view go a long way.

Always report personal attacks. It helps if you are a registered member and hit the "Report" button. But you can always email Susan I/S as well.

Many times board members will report the personal attack for you. We want you to feel welcome and safe here.

Please don't let it concern you too much. The majority of people on this thread want very much to help you.

You honor us with your sharing, and I trust we've respected "your vulnerability" on this issue.

I'd honor you back by kicking the snot out of whoever attacked you, but ADMIN usually deletes them for their own good.

I'm sorry this happened to you. I don't think those of us who are Democrats here in Utah have any comparison to someone coming out.

That said, I have found that at UVU people are a bit more accepting than those at the OTHER school, and the people in Utah county. Talking to this Prof is probably the best thing to do. I had one prof who was a total bitch, but everyone else, would listen and make changes.

Many of the students, young and old, go there to get away from the BYU crap. I know it's not the U, but it's much better than it used to be.

Good luck there