So I'm not Mormon, but my boyfriend of 5 years was born and raised. It's been a long and complicated mess, but from reading posts, who's story isn't?

We met in high school and started dating. The first two years was strange, I didn't know much about the church because he didn't tell me much. All I knew was that he couldn't hang out with me (since he was under 16) and that he had to go to church a lot. I was raised Catholic and went to church, but not enough where I could hold my own in a religious debate.
I didn't meet his parents for about the first two years, he met mine a lot, he could come over and "do homework" the only excuse we could use to hang out outside of school.
I met his parents finally one night for dinner. Things were alright and they seemed normal. I didn't think anything of the church or anything of the sort. It wasn't until about March of my junior year that his mother went crazy and called my house screaming at my dad about me. I was apparently ruining their son's life and ruining family time, my dad told her to "get a grip on reality" and she didn't take that lightly at all. My bf and I thought it was hilarious. She invited me over to have a discussion about my choices (the only reason I went was because she threatened to not let him go to prom and I was scared). I sat there for almost 2 hours while she lectured me, called me a harlot, told me I dressed inappropriately, and that her son could have done a lot better than me. She gave me a Strength of Youth pamphlet and told me I needed to start living like that if I wanted to date her son. Looking back on it I probably could have stood up for myself, but I was so young and scared at the time. After that blew over things seemed to go back to normal. I had a few friends up at his ward and we would go to different youth functions, so we could 1) hang out with each other and 2) act like we were being good kids.
After we went away to college, things got dramatically worse for about a year. He stopped going to church. He told his parents he was not going on a mission and they flipped out. They called me some horrible names and harassed him to no end. He finally changed his phone number so no one could contact him. He got into a motorcycle accident and they came to our school. His mother yelled at me and told me to leave his room, even though I was the one who took care of him for 3 weeks after the accident, during his surgeries, and was the one who skipped classes and stayed up all night with him. While he was passed out from the pain killers. They invited the bishop of the singles ward (not sure who it really was) to come up and give him a blessing.
Off and on for about 6 months it was a constant e-mail battle between them and my bf. They would call him useless in one breath and tell him that he would be saved if he came back to the truth in the next. His YM leader wrote him a letter at one point and bribed him that if he came back to the church and left me that he would pay for his every living expense at BYU. They didn't consider it "bribery", they said it was a generous gesture of kindness. I was called the "Ultimate Distraction" and that I was work of the devil guiding him down a path of evil. I received an e-mail stating if I had a problem with the letter I was more than invited to go have a talk with this man one-on-one. I thought it was more than inappropriate that this stranger was calling me horrible names, implying that I was such a horrible person, and wanting to meet with me (an 18 year old girl).
His family bribed him to come out to Utah for Christmas break for the family reunion. He eventually told them that he was staying with me for Christmas and would come out for New Years. He spent $500 on a plane ticket that was supposedly going to be refunded, but never was. It was trap for him to "redeem his soul". After he got back home, he moved out in the middle of the night because they had him on lock down for two days.
After he moved out, things were tense. His dad came over and yelled at my dad for encouraging this behavior. My dad responded with we aren't doing anything wrong and he will support us with whatever we feel is the right thing for our lives. Obviously he is not wanting anything more than to just go to college, but that is wrong since he isn't going on a mission. Since then he has limited all communication to e-mails. They do not have his phone number and haven't for about a year now.
He is now living with my family on the times we are back from college. We have such wonderful support from my entire family. He is getting ready to send his resignation letter to Utah and can't be more excited about it. But at the same time he is really nervous, you hear all those horror stories about resignation letters taking 3 months to process.

Any advice for me? I’m not expecting my relationship with them to get any better, ever. I actually don’t expect to have a good relationship with them ever. We’ve discussed our future and I’ve told him that our children won’t be subjected to this ridicule that they’ve done to me.
Any advice for him?

Thanks for actually bearing through and reading this. Although I'm not an ex-mormon, I feel like I can relate to these posts.

to ever have contact with them again.

They are so toxic they've pretty well burned all their bridges and don't even see it. That's kind of sad for them.

You're doing a good job protecting yourself now and you have every right to let them come crawling if they want to see your grandkids. Is that OK with him?

To a certain extent, it is HIS family and he has to deal with it and set the rules - as long as they don't include any abuse of you.

No, they aren't paying for his schooling. He has his own student loans and is paying the other amounts with cash from his job.

They don't support him in anyway anymore.

Thanks, it feels really good to hear someone say that I'm doing something right. With all the negativity coming from them it makes me feel like I am the person causing all these problems. Then I realize that I'm letting them win this battle by thinking it.

He is pretty fed up with them. He's torn as to whether or not to cut all ties. He has an idea that once the resignation goes through that he'll finally have his answer as to whether they are continuing to play nice because they think he'll come back to the church or that they are really being nice. I truly feel like its the first of the two...only time will tell.

Sounds like he and you have a good handle on things. Cut them off completely until they can get over their "You're ruining my eternal family" hissy fit, and act like adults. They may never get there, but if they don't you won't have wasted any of your time on them. In the meantime you and he should enjoy your life together.

The only thing that concerns me about your story is you don't mention anything that he does (or has done) to protect YOU from his family and the people who abuse you from his church.

Is he standing up to family/authorities telling them to back away from you? Why did he let his mother call you a harlot for 2 hours?

Your father is standing up for you but is he?

How devoted to you is he actually?

If you're just not relating all the things he's done to back you up that's one thing. But if he's done nothing, is is possible he's just using you to help him break away from what seems an really toxic family and church?

There was so much that I wrote out that I completely forgot to talk about that.

When the 2 hour conversation happened, we were both in a place of being stuck. We were only 16 at the time and I didn't know enough to stand up for myself. He also had to live at their home.

He has stood up for me. When they call me names, he tells them he won't tolerate it and won't speak with them if they continue it. They have told him multiple times that I am ruining his life by pulling him away from the truth and he snapped back that if I am ruining his life by helping him get through school and supporting him to be happy that he's fine with it.

I feel like the biggest thing he's done to show me that he cares about me is that he moved out of their house into mine. He helps pay for food and his way at our home. They've told him multiple times that he needs to date other girls and he tells them that he won't because he wants to be with me.

He's told them to f*** off once before. He's walked out on them when they start in on talking about me. He told his family and church members off about talking bad about me when they don't even know me as a person. He's told them that they have no right to talk about me and say such horrible things if they don't know anything about me.

I didn't want to make it seem like he hasn't stood up for me at all! He has done so much for me. I feel bad that he is basically having to choose between his family and me. He's reassured me that I'm the best thing that's ever happened to him and that's its his family that's doing this to him. That if his family is going to make him choose between me and them, that they aren't family at all.

i thinks lil Catholic girl is doing fantastic now.... and her dad too....what do ya want? some fisticuffs? i dont read that negativity at all it seems to me he is fighting alongs side her man and her dad is supporting it...well prolly the whole family ...they live there after all....so i think she and he are in a good place myself. i hope everything works out and be strong... and fill out the resignation letter that everyone here knows about!! so he knows just what his rights are!!
a little help please board!

I wasn't reading anything that he was doing except that he was excited about sending in his resignation--bc that's all 928 actually said he did.

I do think that people use other people to help them get the things they want. Lots of people are manipulative.

928--I'll take your word for it. You've lived it. Just in the original post you really did make him sound like he was kind of just standing there wringing his hands and changing his phone number and ignoring his family but not really standing up to you when you were basically an innocent bystander just taking his family's crap.

I know I did. :(
I guess I'm really used to people knowing the situation and knowing how we are together. I know I sound really cliche and it sounds like I'm trying to make it sound like things are perfect between us.
I REALLY didn't want it to sound like he wasn't doing anything. He is. He does stand up for me and my family actually. He calls my parents mom and dad and refers to his parents by their first name. He doesn't ever tell his parents he loves them, but tells mine all the time.
We keep this problem between his family and the church completely private. My family obviously knows the situation, but that's about it. Neither of our roommates at school know anything, they just know he lives with me. This is really the first time I've ever reached out to anyone to talk about it. I know I didn't explain myself very well.

...when I was married, I had to deal with some toxic in-laws.

I tried my hardest to get my wife, who was being constantly abused by them, to move on and to stop contacting them. It didn't work, although things did get better the more of a bully towards them I became. I tend to be ridiculously viscious if I am in a position where people I love are being hurt.

My only warning is that it is commong, sometimes, for Mormons to rebel for a while and then go back to the fold. Be careful of that because you would be the first to go.

Good luck!

Sounds like BF is not too conflicted about leaving Mormonism so that's a good sign. Just realize the indoctrination goes really deeps and sometimes people revert back to how they were raised— often after marriage and kids.

Make sure you look out for yourself and best of luck to you both.

Some times they revert and many times they don't...mine didn't...and he served a mission etc. etc...we fell in love and got married and never looked back on Mormonism...his parents had no choice but to accept his choice or not be in his life..they weren't happy at all at first...but grand children softened them up even though said grandkids were baptized and raised Catholic...we were in our early 20's back then...but some times things just work out if you work hard enough at them....

Your post should be "exhibit A" for when Mormons complain that we pick on their poor, humble religion. There's a reason, folks.

I think that you and your boyfriend are doing great. You've figured out by now that you're dealing with crazy, and there's no arguing with crazy.

Don't take it personally. You're not the Molly Mo that the family had in mind for their son. That you are a nice, normal girl who loves their son and has cared for him when injured is beside the point to them.

Just keep on as you have been and don't let the family drag you down.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2011 07:40PM by summer.

Anon928, you and bf are doing just fine. Sounds as if bf is ready to distance himself from a toxic family, and that is appropriate in this situation.
Bf is surrounding himself with those who are showing him unconditional love -- he is with you and your family. I applaud his courage to stand up to his so called family and set boundaries with them.

Completely agree and I think that you are your bf are doing very well.
How sad that these people do not see the viciousness of their ways while trying to imply that you have taken their son off the 'good path'. What good path would that be? The one that allows an adult to call a child a harlot? Think about this for a second... is there not something extremely wrong with this picture? Here is an adult, that would basically hold hostage a 16 year old (not their child by the way) and proceed to pile on the name calling and abuse?
It always blew my mind how parents could disown their children and abuse their children in the hopes of getting them to 'come back to the fold'. What part of that type of behaviour do they believe would be conducive to make their son want to return? Do they not realize that more than anything they are the ones pushing him away?
It most certainly was not you. They did a bang up job all by themselves.
I agree with you... you should never allow your children the abuse and ridicule that was heaped upon you and your bf.
Be strong, set HARD boundaries, and do not allow them to cross it. They will have to earn every bit of reconciliation from you, IMO.
Good luck.

Also, for your bf, the process does not take long. There are some great examples of letters. You do not request to have your name removed, you RESIGN from church, and direct them to promptly remove your name from all records without further delays. That is it.

Good luck to him also.

Thank you for all your replies.
It means so much that you all commented back. Sometimes I feel so lost, and like I'm the only one in my position. It feels so great to know that there are people out there who have been through and are going through the same stuff I am with these people.

Tell your boyfriend, when he sends in his resignation letter, to inform Greg Dodge (the person to whom he should write it) that if his resignation (not "name removal") is not handled speedily (as in 1-2 WEEKS), that he will go to the press and have an attorney contact him (Mr. Dodge) to get his dorsal posterior surface in motion quickly.

Also, tell your boyfriend that he is to DEMAND that they immediately take his name off all records, not "request name removal" and that if he ever finds that it is still listed in the Mormon computers, he will again go to the press and to an attorney.

Michael: Thank you for this information. I'm pretty sure we found the resignation letter from this site. We have one typed up right now, just making final touches to it to make sure it sounds perfect. We've read a lot of information about what to say and what not to say, so we keep trying to make it perfect.

anon928 Wrote:
-------------------------------------------------------
> Michael: Thank you for this information. I'm pretty sure we found the resignation letter from this site. We have one typed up right now, just making final touches to it to make sure it sounds perfect. We've read a lot of information about what to say and what not to say, so we keep trying to make it perfect.


You're more than welcome. Good luck to you.

Holy Sweet Jesus!! If your story is not a textbook case study of how effed up the cult of mormonism is I don't know what is.

I'm impressed with how you both have weathered the abusive storm.

Others have had some great advice but my thoughts are:

Don't worry about the resignation process. To avoid the family freaking out, you might want to locate the local bishop and SP where you live. When you send in your letter make sure you copy them, and make sure Greg Dodge knows where you have copied your letter as well. With luck Dodge will deal with them and not with the original family bishop/SP.

This way they may possibly be removed from the process.

As far as the family relationship goes, only time will shift the incentives to the family to get a grip and treat you with some respect.

You guys have been courageous and heroic and your willingness to just keep your heads down, to focus on school and preparing for the future, and to nurture the good things you have together while setting a stiff boundary against the cult lunatics is inspiring.

So much for the effing youth of zion, you guys rock. Keep us posted PLEASE.

R.

I read that I'm not supposed to do this, but I'm going to post as em928 instead of anon928.

God, I can't believe how overwhelmed I feel right now. I have gotten more support from total and complete strangers in one night than I have from most people in the last 5 years. It's amazing. :) It's crazy most people don't understand how it feels, and I wasn't even a member...I just got the brunt of it! :P
Thank you so much.

Em

You're welcome, Em. :-)

Stick around and get an education about Mormonism. It's best to know what you're dealing with. Education = power.

The rest is their in house procedures.

About his family: in this case, my recommendation is to cut off all contact for at least six months, no visits, no emails, nothing.

They are meddling in your lives and at 18 and over, you are adults and can shut down any inappropriate interference.

It's unfortunate that they have behaved so badly. I'm so sorry you have been subjected to such hateful nonsense. This is one of the worse cases I have heard of.

There may be a possible reconciliation sometime in the future. I wouldn't totally discount it.

I recommend setting some clear boundaries and sticking to them.
You boy friend can set some clear guidelines for any future contact. He can let them know he wants a loving, decent, relationship and that name calling, putting him or you down, finding fault, negative comments of any kind, denigrating you or him, will not be tolerated.
He can make it clear that he is no longer a member, and that they are required by their own religion to live their 11th Article of faith.

The Articles of Faith - #11:
We claim the privilege of worshiping Almighty God according to the dictates of our own conscience, and allow all men the same privilege, let them worship how, where, or what they may.

He may have to be clear that if they want a relationship with him, they must not engage in any of the unacceptable behaviors, he will cut off contact again.
If this process doesn't produce change, there may be no way to have a reasonable, rational relationship with these people. Ever.

My best wishes to you.
Now is the time to concentrate on your education and do what you can to be released from these kinds of emotional upheavals!

Generally, people don't stay mad forever! My hope would be for some kind of reasonable, at a minimum, polite relationship with his family.
It may take a lot more time, maybe a couple of years or more.

Thank you SuzieQ. I know I'll probably never have a "mom" "dad" relationship with them. All I want is respect. I respect them, I never wear anything that would be considered "inappropriate" to their home. Even for prom I wore a strapless dress and when I went over to their home I wore a shawl over my shoulders to make them more comfortable. Her comment? "I guess she just did that to make me happy." Well of course I did, I'm not a member, I wear strapless stuff. I knew it would make them uncomfortable if I came over in just my dress so I took a step further...and apparently it wasn't good enough.

That comment was made when I tried to go to youth functions to be nice. "I guess she did it to just please me." Well I sure as hell didn't do it because I liked getting talked down like the rest of the youth.

You aren't what they dreamed of for their son...especially his Mother..there will be no temple marriage..everyone in their ward will know he didn't marry a mormon...she's feeling shame as if she did something wrong...I know this...we went through it...my husband's Mom wasn't as vocal or vicious but she was heartbroken by his choice of a wife...I knew it and so did he...

I too was Catholic and still am and so is he now..that didn't sit well at all..

But in our case time did it's thing...we have a good marriage...most of the time..VBG...not without problems of course but his family is not part ofit any more..

you're doing great..you have both acted with great maturity..just leave them alone for a long while...she won't stay away from her son forever...enjoy your college years they go by too quickly...and give your Mom and Dad a big hug for being so supportive.

For someone as young as you,you are doing a great job handling this very toxic relationship. These people are not worthy of your time and goodness. I'm so glad to hear that bf is standing up for you. As someone who has never been supported by my husband,for 38 years,it's so important to support each other.

You sound like a great person and I wish you all the luck in the world. You and bf are mature and seem ready to conquer the world!

Keep us posted on your journey.

And I agree about getting more acceptance and concern from this board than from people who should love and care for you. I found that out the first time I posted and it made me cry. There are very good,kind people on this board.

Oh...and don't forget. Mormons are all about family and free agency and not judging. And that is such a crock of bs.

You are pretty much in the same boat I was in a few years ago. Your boyfriend's family is definitely worse than my (now) in-laws, but I went through almost the exact same experiences. I was called all the horrible names and all the same accusations were made about me, just not in so many words. It was all done in what I like to call passive-aggressive-mormon-speak, or PAMS.

At first he was disrespecting me, then I was luring him away from the path of righteousnesses, I was distracting him, I was tempting him (hence my name), everything that was "wrong" in his life was my fault. Somehow even the period of his life between coming home from his mission and when we met, while he was inactive in the church and unemployed, was my fault. At one point, after we moved in together, my future mother-in-law went so far as to accuse me of trying to drive a wedge between her and her son because my relationship with my own mother was "not as strong as it could be." My mother abandoned me and my little brother when I was five years old and not only did this make me unsuitable, it apparently was my fault too.

Sorry, enough back-story. I think you're doing the right thing. I think he is smart not to have contact with his family, or limit it to his own terms. I also think it is probably for the best that you don't have a whole lot of direct one-on-one contact with them. Some of my biggest problems with my husband's family have come when I try to communicate with them without my husband (or his exmo brother) as a buffer. We just operate on two different wavelengths, and there is nothing I say that doesn't offend them, nothing they say that doesn't either offend me or make me think they are batshit crazy.

My best advice to you is to listen to him, even if you've heard it before, even if it makes no sense, even if it sounds really silly or unimportant. We've been married for four-and-a-half years my husband still sometimes needs to talk about weird mormon things, or just family stuff from his past. And although I don't know what to say most of the time, it means a lot to him that I listen and don't judge him for being part of such crazy asshattery.

My advice for the two of you as a couple is to be happy, really happy not fake happy, and show only that side of yourselves in your limited contact with his family. It's a stupid mormon game I have learned to play, but it's worth it. It really gets to his parents to see that we are successful in our careers and happy with our liberal, childfree lifestyle. We don't let them see any cracks in our relationship, not that there aren't any, everybody has a few, but if we did they would jump on every single one of them. For the most part we are happy and it's better that the uber-TBMs in our life see t.hat and only that. They say the best revenge is living well, and I don't see that fitting better in any way than in this situation.

(Sorry if this is a little choppy, it's after 11 and I'm really tired, but felt the rare need to share on this one.)

Edited for clarity because apparently I'm more tired than I thought.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/15/2011 11:25PM by eviltemptress.

Thank you for your story. I really appreciate it.
Your comment about acting happy and not revealing any cracks is something we've already learned to do. :) When he got into his accident and was loopy from his meds, he got cranky/loopy and his mother took that as a sign that he was getting tired of me. So I already (at a young age) understand how that works.

em928:

I have been out over 30 years. I don't post often but this one caught my eye. One of my biggest regrets when I was your age was that I didn't stand up to my family more as I withdrew from TSCC. You are doing the right thing to stand up to them. It will bring you joy and happiness to pursue your own path and your own dreams. Push back hard and be strong about dealing with these very toxic people, eventually they will realize that they are going to have to deal from a position of respect and acceptance if they ever want to have a relationship with their son and you and maybe grandkids. Use your love for each other to deal with all of this and know that you have lots of support from all of us here. We are always here to help with advise and encouragement.

em928, there's not much I can add to what's already been said, so I'll just say this: I admire you and your boyfriend and your mature handling of a tough situation. Not too many young people would have had such strength and determination, and the ability to stand up to TBM family to get to where you are today. It's not the fault of those who don't fight back...it's so hard to go against what your parents want for you, even when you know it's not what you want. We've seen it on this board often enough. You and your guy clearly have something special.

I'm so proud of both of you for sticking with college through all this (I'm a huge fan of higher education). What year are you in now? Do you have plans for after graduation?

I wish you both much success and a happy future.

Thanks for your support. I am a sophomore grade level with junior level credits. I am looking into Medical School after I'm done with my undergraduate.

mormonism fucks with a young kid's mind in ways you can't quite know.

If he is REALLY out for good that is awesome!!!, but it is all STILL IN HIS HEAD.

He may seem to go a little off the deep end when the recovery begins.

I got kicked out of my house 2 months before HS graduation for similar shit that your BF has endured.

I thought my bf at the time was everything, my rock. We were engaged, etc.

Then I changed. The mo stuff like guilt and shame were still stuck deep inside me where they had been planted long ago.

I went thru a BAD phase and my relationship with my then fiancée' fell apart.

After joining the USMC and doing some considerable growing up, I met my now DH. My DH did join the church for me and for about 10yrs we did the molly family thing till we found out the church was a fraud and left.

As awe full as my parents were to me, I tried to be forgiving and let them be a part of my kids lives. That ended very quickly.

My point is that the hurricane may have past, but honey, he has A LOT of shit to clean up before he will be marriageable material.
I have hope for you all, I do b/c I love happy endings. So please get him into good therapy (esp for guilt/shame issues) and do some couples therapy together.
Overall, understand that you both may grow apart and that is perfectly normal at the stage you are both in your lives and no reason why you can't stay good and supportive friends for life.
Just rememberthese 3 P's:

Patience (with each other)
Protection (from himself or his family)
Planning (set some goals alone or as couples. Get all those little questions planned before any little baby bumps come along.)
GOOD LUCK and cyber ((((HUGZ)))

Thank you for this information.
I know they have messed him up. They have told him such horrible things that I can't imagine ever telling anyone, let alone my own child. I would really like for him to be able to find a professional to talk to. Unfortunately as many of you might know, it's really hard for someone who has no idea of how messed up this church makes you to help. I don't even know some of the things that he talks about, or understand for that matter.
Thank you again for your advice. I really appreciate it.

Oh, and for the record, the baby bump is YEARS away! :)

I admire you for your strength. It takes a strong person to stand up to such nasty people and not let it affect your self-esteem. Don't ever let them put a chink in your armor, you are better than that. You would never treat anyone, including them, the way they have treated you, and that makes you a very christ-like person. Ironic, isn't it?

I hope my wife is married to a future Ex Mormon...

Isn't the term "future ex-mormon" like saying you're "sorta pregnant"?

Just wonderin'...

Ron

I get what you mean. It just really just the first thing that popped into my head when I was writing this. I was kinda nervous to even do this because we keep everything so private, but I'm really glad I did post.
I guess what I meant to say was that he hasn't officially become an ex-mormon yet, but he has made the decision that he wants to be.

The harder they try to pull him away, the more he hangs on to that from which they are trying to save him. Really bad parenting.

Having been a morgbot for 4 decades, and the father of 5 girls, I see one aspect that is concerning regarding you Anon928. I tell my girls this all the time. It's a mans world. A woman needs to be able to be independent in her ability to provide for herself. That means, in this incredibly competitive world, you must not only do well in college, but finish your undergraduate degree and probably post graduate degree depending on your career choice. Some board members will disagree with me, but for a woman, a serious relationship prior to graduating college could inhibit the ability to self actualize and reach your potential. In most cases, I think the emotional nature of a serious relationship interfers with school work, which in my opinion, should be your main focus until you are finished. Something to think about.

Sorry you had to go through all that. Your parents sound awesome. His parents are typical morgbot parents, conditioned into believing that your BF's eternal status is ruined. They have delusions of standing in the magical Celestial Kingdom, holding hands w/ all their family members and they resent you for it. They are also embarrassed because of the loss of status of having their son falling away because as you may know - status is everything in their magical deluded world. Their is no excuse for his mothers behavior toward you.

I do understand where you are coming from. My father has made the same comment, not to my bf as a person, but boys in general. We have been together for 5 years, and I can assure you more than anything NOTHING will come in the way of my career. I am fully planning on getting into medical school to become an MD and we have discussed the possibly of being apart for the time it takes me to complete it.
I truly appreciate your advice. My father taught me to never back down and that 'a person will only achieve their lowest goal, so set your goals high' and i am fully planning on doing that. You're daughters are lucky to have a father who is teaching them that, i love my father for teaching me that.

Be sure to use birth control. You don't want an unplanned pregnancy to derail your education and goals.

In all honesty, we have decided from day one that abstinence was the best choice for us. I've wanted to be a doctor since I can remember and never wanted anything to get in the way. We figured why take the chance, even birth control isn't 100% effective. We have too much to lose. We are too young, so we don't even take the chance.

My cousin, a non-member, met a catholic guy in college (KU). She, like you, was driven toward her educational goals. Her dad, an athiest, was very much against her having a BF while in college. However, she proved that she not only could have BF, but as soon as she graduated - they married. Now, she has a career as an architect, and he a bank president. Strong catholic family and parents of 5 beautiful children - now married 20 years. She was an exception, as I think you probably are too. Best wishes to you and your BF. I am impressed with the way he stood up for you against his parents.

Thank you.
I've always considered myself to be different from the rest of my peers. Considering my first BF is my current, and we've stuck by each other since we were 15 through all this crap... I feel like an exception.
I hope to be like your cousin. She sounds really inspiring and strong. :)