Somewhere in another thread our very own utahstateagnostics got me to laughing with this one line description: "The temple is like Fight Club."

So I tried to come up with a few. What are your best shots?

Touring a funeral home impersonating the Pillsbury Doe Boy while awkwardly being groped by the Michelen Man through a white curtain.

Stand up, sit down calisthenics while changing Elvis costumes with stern older folks monitoring everyone with the evil eye.

Mormon marionettes costumed in white impersonating real people while bowing their heads, raising their arms and in unison chanting, "Pay Lay Ale!"

Drill team raising arms to the square while circling the alter and mumbling in cadence to the officiator's cues.

Saintly sentinels standing stoically waiting for the seating signal "That will do!"

The temple is like Fight Club.- utahstateagnostics



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 04:29PM by cricket.

International House of Handshakes.

I don't remember whether I was still a scaredy-cat lurker or had gotten brave enough to post, but I was still relatively new to the board when I first read that one.

When I could breathe again after laughing, I thought "these guys GET it! The temple IS weird!" I didn't know (and had certainly never dared to say) that I thought it was bizarre.

..."a strange and wonderful walk thru a Disney-like funeral home, complete with a life-death narrative, while playing dress-up in costume, a meet and greet thru a curtain, a locker room and a shower, (if you need one), a great food court, with a Salisbury steak with greenbeans and mashed potatoes on Thursdays, all for a low 10% of your annual income"...

BUT WAIT!!!

...""you can also serve as a Temple Worker!!!!

...just pay additional shipping and handling (tithing)."

Chloroform in pantomime.

(Rephraising Mark Twain's description of the BoM as chloroform in print.)

A boring exercise in pointlessness.

It's not secret, it's silly.

With all the repeated standing and sitting, I've often wondered, did a mormon invent the "wave"?

The Temple is attempting to shove well-rounded leg into a holy square bit of underwear.

The Temple is sacred incomprehensible incompetence.

The Temple Movie Ticket Price - now with no nudity required.

White clothes, big religiosity.

Go to The Temple to get your 4 P's (peculiar people privy passwords.)

The Temple - Mel's Priesthood Sign & Token Emporium.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/07/2014 06:14PM by Pagag.

Where is Allen Funt saying "Smile! You're on Candid Camera!"?

We should all be grateful that we promised not to talk about it.
Imagine if it wasn't secret.
All of your friends and neighbors that aren't mormon would have known what you were doing on saturday morning. They would have known what date night was like. You would have been the laughing stock of the neighborhood. Nobody could have taken you seriously about anything. The church knew that. They kept it secret for a reason.

The temple is basically a seance with everyone dressed in white doing rituals aimed at dead people. They're hoping to see their dead grandma who is on the other side of the veil. Oh the disappointment when you realize it's just a stage set of a hotel lobby.

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... GOD RUNS HIS UNIVERSE LIKE A MOOSE LODGE ...


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Haha! Perfect!

where there is slitting of throat from ear to ear and disemboweling

yikes on toast

Eve f*cks up a perfectly good thing for Adam. Satan tries to make gods plan fail by doing the very worst thing he could do.Eve sits down and shuts up and I now have a dent on my forehead where the elastic of my bakers hat was.
The end

"I now have a dent on my forehead where the elastic of my bakers hat was."

That dent on my forehead is visible in several of the wedding pictures from when we first came out of the temple. I can't believe how f'in stupid I was. Looking back, I would have rather been married at a drive-thru in Vegas.

Busy work.

A BORING costume party which costs 10% of your money for life. Very bad deal for you.

Only the living have to pay 10% of their gross income to get into Mormon heaven, meanwhile the dead can get there for free.

cricket - When I saw the Temple ritual on the internet, and the idiot said "That will do several times," I wanted to ask
"that will do what?"

My one sentence about the temple - "Oh yes it's the great pretender, pretending to be a real church."
this is to the tune of The Great Pretender.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/08/2014 03:45AM by verilyverily.

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Trust the best expert's advice - it's fully ENDORSED by SATAN himself!

"If you turn from these ceremonies you will be in my power!"

Who better should you believe in when making your choice?

.

I'll have the large popcorn and 2 boxes of Junior Mints for the movie.


That's one sentence...

Pillsbury Hokey Pokey!

I loved Martha Beck's description of the rituals: "Pantomiming your own violent demise."

Course, I've never been through an endowment since they quit making you lie about the fact that you'd let someone slit your throat for a stupid token.

Death cult rituals by the living dead, that choose to believe in the dead living.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/08/2014 11:00AM by gentlestrength.

The way I heard it was "work for the dead by the nearly dead."

The temple is where you find sheep dressed in wolf's clothing.

The temple contains the holy of holes dressed to deceive all those who will receive it.

The temple is the new and everlasting Masonic lodge.

The temple rituals are proof that people can be made to believe just about anything for a golden ticket to heaven.

In the temple you are taught to change cloths quickly.

In the temple you will find old people standing like statues watching the indoctrination of the foolish youth.

Your local temple requires admission fees based on income you make for the rest of your life.

A two hour cult meeting--we desire all to receive it.

A very bad version of the "Walking Dead".

or

Will you give it to me? I will through the veil. (insert money here).

"Will you give it to me?" That's what she said.

"I will through the veil." That's what Joe said.

Or maybe it's the other way around...I don't know...

The best way to keep yourself from doing legitimate research.

You worry about the living, we only care about the dead.