Not that I feel obligated to answer Facing Tao's question, but I'm curious. So can we do a small, informal sample? Those of you who were married to an active Mormon when you left the church, please pick the number that best represents what happened with your spouse and put that number in your subject line.

1. Spouse left before, after, or along with me
2. Spouse stayed in and we made it work
3. Spouse stayed in, but my leaving is a huge problem
4. Spouse and I got divorced because of church

I know there are probably other choices and blah blah blah, but let's try to keep it simple. Please just pick one and put only the number in the subject line. Choose #2 if you eventually got divorced, but church was not one of the most important reasons. Also choose #2 if you think your spouse may eventually leave, but he or she is still participating. Choose #3 if you're still married but don't know if you can work around the church thing.

2. Spouse stayed in, and we made it work--sort of. It has created some lasting tension and distrust.

and I'm out, so we're both out

1. We're both BIC, raised in morridor. Out in 2013. Hell yes!

I'm exed so I'm out. DH resigned a year later.

One of the best walks we ever took.

My divorce had nothing to do with Mormonism and occurred many years later.

1

1 - Spouse left 6 months after I did

1. We left at the same time, and life has never been better.

I left about 4 months after my husband. Him leaving caused me to do research and that, of course was the end of it.

2 but hoping to move towards 1.

Spouse out before me. I followed about a year later.

I haven't discontinued all attendance yet, but it is already "3" and I'm trying to avoid "4", but am not sure if it is possible. Time will tell.

1 for DW and I

VERY grateful for her willingness to seek the truth with me.

After 17 years, a #2 is now a #1!

2.5

She's in, I'm out.

Some days we get by OK but there's certainly some resentment. I can sometimes keep my big mouth shut about the Church but often do not AND she can't handle any commentary however benign.

It's tough cuz I can't help but answering honestly when my teens ask questions. I don't want them to be uninformed and end up where I am when they're 35.

1

First marriage: 1 in, 1 out, divorce rapidly ensued.

Second marriage: 1 out (at 16), and 1 out (at 36), both happy (I think).

1 both out.

we were mentally out many years ago, but never had "the talk"

once we did, we decided on the spot to stop going and called the adult children (all out at the time) who were thrilled to give us advice on their favorite libations.

best talk we ever had. stress is much lower in our lives, and holidays are a LOT more fun



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 01/03/2014 12:24PM by wowbagger.

How about:

Spouse still pays lip service to believing, considers himself LDS but has questions and is inactive. My leaving wasn't a huge problem because he usually takes the easiest way out of any situation and getting out of the Peter Priesthood hamster wheel was a relief.

It's been almost 9 years since I stopped attending with her.

A combination of 4 & 1 with a mixture of he only joined tscc to placate me, I was extremely devout, he was worldly, now I'm exmo and he still has a small place in his heart for tscc. And every second of my life I regret that his mother was even born.

1. Studied our way out together. Thank you, mormonthink!

1 - wife and i out together. I thought it was going to be a deal breaker but my wife had been harbouring doubts. We discussed concerns the day i first seriously brought it up and stopped attending as a family immediately. We cleared out the bookcase of church material and dumped it in the ward library the first Sunday and never looked back.

1

I told him what i'd discovered. We had our adult kids over to talk about it. We all left together. That's a LOT of money that won't be going to the church that they may have had for the next 70 or so years.

1 - at same time

#3, spouse stayed in, and my leaving is a huge problem

1 - at the same time. Resignations letters sent last summer.