How in the world do you begin to separate horrible intense feelings of disgust for the church from feelings towards individual members?

It just feels awful because I find myself being so judgemental of people that I'm either meeting for the first time or aren't even meeting but are just hearing about them, and those negative feelings are all based on the fact that they are Mormon. When those negative, hateful feelings well up, I have to remind myself that it's not fair to be so quick to judge a person and that I certainly wouldn't want anyone judging me so quickly just because I'm atheist. I try to replace those angry feelings with pity because honestly, I do pity those people that are still trapped in the church.

Does this anger and hate go away with time? I've only been out for a little over a year. Or does it just come and go?

(edit: I guess hate is the wrong word. I don't instantly hate people when I find out they're mormon. But angry, anxious feelings bubble up when I find out they're mormon and I don't want those feelings being forever linked to these individuals I do meet)

Dealing with these feelings is just another red flag in my mind of how damaging TSCC is.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2013 07:41PM by emily.

I try to see people as just people, without attaching their religion to them. It can be hard to do that at times, because it's natural to jump to conclusions about people.

When you find yourself judging someone harshly, just take a moment to ask yourself what lead you to your conclusion. Did he/she say or do something offensive? If yes, then he/she is an @ss and not worth the time of day. If not, then you're founding your negative assumptions on nothing, which falls into the same category as racism, sexism, and homophobia. Since you don't fall for those -isms, you can logically overcome your aversion to their religion as well.

I really struggled with this too when I first left. I've been out for 4 years, and though my radar still goes off when I learn someone is mormon, it is easier now to separate them from the organization. That being said, knowing that about someone will probably always make me hesitate.

If "they" find out you're an apostate, those same hateful feelings well up in them. Don't play their game.
I have been called "anti-Mormon" by these folks (I have a big mouth and WILL argue with them), but I respond by denying I am "anti" Mormon, but fully admit I AM definitely "anti-Mormon-ISM"--that I, in my decades of LDS membership I have never personally met a Mormon I hated--a few jerks along the way, fer sure.
Then I quote their cute little saying, "The Church is perfect, the people are not". I proceed to explain that the reverse is true, that the people are good, the church is NOT.
Examples:
Polygamy.
Did you, dear member, have anything to do with instituting polygamy? No, you didn't--you didn't even get to vote on it. THE CHURCH did it without your consent.

Blacks PH ban.
Again. Did YOU have anything to do with this pernicious doctrine? Nope. It was your CHURCH that started it.

PropHate.
Did YOU dream up this hateful, un-Christ-like scam? NOPE! Your CHURCH did the deed.

So, emily, the members didn't dream up their obnoxious beliefs.
Their CHURCH did it, so the worst that can be said about the peon members is that they are gullible. You and I (and most posters here) were gullible too and bought into the church BS.
"THEY" are where we were 20(?) years ago.
Just know THEIR day of awakening WILL come.
Knowing this may soften your anger toward them.

emily Wrote:
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> Dealing with these feelings is just another red flag in my mind of how damaging TSCC is.

Exactly.

The brain remembers and is trying to protect you.

These feelings are hard-won on the battlefield of life.
These are the result of experience - not something just made up for spite. So these are genuine.

Suggest to Honor the feeling. It is real. An attempt to suppress it will cause it to strengthen.

Simply seeing it is sufficient to counter any sense of judging wrongly.

For me: decades later and still there is profound distrust.
I can still see the members as trapped and feel for them, but the distrust is protective.



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 12/17/2013 01:06AM by zenjamin.