I have done everything wrong, while thinking I was doing everything right. I slowly told her about my doubts, letting her read everything I read. She agreed, and wondered about all the problems with me at first. Asking questions that deserve answers.

Then I quit, told her not to pay tithing anymore, and started talking about it to anyone who would listen. Why did I care? I had found the truth and everyone needed to hear it. My family, friends, church members, everyone knew I was done with the mind fuck that is the mormon church.

This, of course, caused my wife a great deal of embarrassment and shame. she dug in her heels, started going to every mother fucking church activity she possibly could and started to actively undermine me with the our children when it came to the church. She made sure that they knew anything I might talk about when it came to the church was just me trying to make them doubt their beliefs. She became convinced that our children who had made the decision not to go to church were having issues just because I did not support her in forcing them to go.

Things got better over the next year, our relationship seems strong enough even now. But the church is a taboo topic, anything I say or show her is poisonous fruit. So now, when the church is admitting they are a lying bunch of assholes I cannot even show her, she cannot ever admit she might have been wrong.

So my advice is never embarrass your spouse about the church publicly, especially when she is stubborn as a mule. It will not speed up the process, and can slow it down considerably.



Edited 2 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2013 03:56PM by icanseethelight.

Haha. Hahahahahaha. Ha.
I've been married 20 years I have no idea about women. None. Less than that. All I know is that I am hetero ragingly attracted to and in love with my wife too.

Chin up chap.
Cog diss runs deep and she is as much a victim.
For us, whatever that is worth, we all resigned on Sunday to the bishop (refer thread "resigning in 3 hours @").

Once we read the familiar book of Mormon terms like curious workmanship, and stripling, little ones etc.

It was all over. We knew then it was b/s and could say so out loud. And then, in a simple 2 minutes, we both knew, and weren't afraid anymore.

2 months later we are out.

The shelf breaks eventually, and we arent in Satans power, and our family has never communicated better (once we talked to our teen kids about this, and actually listened, and let them speak free from fear of expectations of what they think they have to say)

Give it time, maybe let her have reason in you not to be afraid. You have to be an even "better" person, if that is possible.

The evidence just keeps coming and is overwhelming. Don't give up.

Don't let the obedience to man and institution poison your kids

One thing that I did wrong was assume that my wife would feel the same sense of relief as I did when I finally admitted to myself that it wasn't true. Bottom line is that my wife is a cafateria mormon. She believes what she wants and doesn't worry about the rest. But I will say she is happiest when she doesn't goto church.

I get jealous when i read stories of couples leaving together. Unfortunately i married a programmed mobot who has no ability to reason and gets a headache when i make a point against the church, almost like a malfunctioning machine.

Now that I'm out i almost feel like I'm married to a characature. She is incredibly insecure and apologizes all the time for stupid stuff that doesn't matter. All of her self worth is tied to the church and we all know how the church makes people feel.

There is no right approach. They all lead to the same place. Grief, grief and more grief with a dash of hope to keep us going. Makes one an expert at maneuvering through conversations successfully. Everything we say must be cautiously considered before opening our mouths. Could you even imagine what it would be like to lay on your side looking at your spouse and contemplating the universe? Free to have theories and ideas and having that kind of relationship where free thought is encouraged? Well, quit torturing yourselves. You won't. But maybe you will. That is the dash of hope that keeps us going.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 12/16/2013 10:12PM by snuckafoodberry.

What unfortunately happens is that a lot of us get too gung-ho about our discoveries and our subsequent conclusions about the church. What we don't realize is that those still stuck in the Morg aren't ready for us to start "bashing" the church or to start living a "heathen" lifestyle quite yet.

Keep feeding your spouse the facts, but do it GENTLY and let them come to their OWN conclusions about the church on their OWN time frame.

(Wife paging through a book you bought about polygamy)

BAD:

"Dear wife, you gotta read that book! Joseph Smith was such a slimebag! Total lying perv he was..."

GOOD:

"Oh yeah, that's an interesting book there. The author, a former church historian, goes into some depth regarding how Joseph Smith started polygamy in Nauvoo (go back to doing the dishes)."

(Wife finishes reading the book and expresses confusion about Joseph Smith's intentions with polygamy)

BAD:

"See?! Joseph Smith was a lying conniving liar just trying to get into women's pants."

GOOD:

"Yeah, I don't understand the polygamy thing either. I was always told it was because there were so many widows, but according to the historians there were actually more men than women and most polygamous women were actually young and single, like Joseph Smith and Brigham Young's wives. I don't understand it either. I don't feel right about it. Did you know that men can still be sealed to more than one woman but a woman can't? If polygamy isn't doctrinal anymore, why do they still seal men to more than one wife?"

(Wife expresses confusion about her testimony)

Bad:

"Well the reason you confused is because the church isn't true! I've been holding this inside for so long because i was afraid you'd be mad at me. Let's quit the church! I was thinking of not wearing my garments anymore."

Good:

"I've been feeling a lot like you. The more I dig the less things make sense and the more I feel like I haven't been told the whole story. I love you and we'll get through this okay. I love you no matter what. Let's just keep studying and praying. God loves us and won't lead us astray right?"