For being all powerful/knowing, Mormon god is a dumb fu*k. His security system really needs revamping. If all you need to do to get into his high security compound is flash some gang signs, there will be a lot of unwanted visitors in the CK.

But the below is what really threw me off the rails as a TBM missionary.

We were preaching that the Morg is a restoration church, and we were EXACTLY like the true church Jebus set up from the beginning of time, which later fell into apostasy.

I realized that the sign of the nail and the sure sign of the nail would have been deuced odd concepts to those Mormons living before the crucifixion!

I actually blurted this out during missionary scripture study in a moment of enlightened confusion. You should have seen my DB comp's face when I said the sacred names outloud!

Nowadays, I teach temple handshakes to all my non mo friends so they can bluff past the angels who stand as sentinels to the kingdom of heaven.

Funny how that a lifetime criminal will be able to sneak past God's "Sentinels Who Stand at the Gates" and make it into heaven by dapping out a few secret handshakes. What a stupid-ass God.

If Monson could go out from inside the bubble to see in outsiders view what happens inside a Mormon Temple he would be willing to consider drastical changes in the Endowment Ceremony...

Excuse me, but God isn't the stupid-a$$. (hanging head) Crazy to think tokens are needed, any place besides Dave & Busters!

I never literally thought that the handshakes were necessary in that regard. Just like being buried in your temple clothes. That leaves your salvation up to your family, if they even know what temple clothes are. What if you're burned to death, or die in an explosion, or are carried out to sea? The God I believed in didn't need the temple stuff. We were the ones who needed it. That's how I was able to go year after year and tell myself to pick up something new each time. The signs and tokens were mere formalities, like baptism. If it's really necessary, I figured God would provide it at some point, no worries.

On the flip side, the god of Mormonism is still a complete asshole.

We have a period during our church service (a small local protestant congregation) where everyone is supposed to get up, mill around and introduce themselves I have a horrible memory for names and faces so this is worthless for me and I don't like it, but I get amused by weird little things I observe.

Like, when one guy introduced himself to my husband and gave him what I assume was a Masonic handshake (the pointed forefinger against the other guy's wrist). I asked my DH about it later - "Did you realize that that one guy gave you a Masonic handshake?"
He replied that he had not noticed. This from someone who had at one time been a temple worker. . .

Aren't they trained to pay attention to stuff like that???

And if apostates are so bad, what happens when ALL of us remember our temple handshakes and passwords? We get right into heaven where Mother Theresa types don't?