Posted by:
jacob
(
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Date: November 15, 2013 01:23PM
Just read this comment and I thought this board would appreciate it.
ANYTHING that reduces porn's influence is fantastic. Porn wrecks lives. Everybody's lives. The children, the spouses, and the addicts. It's globally-studied and proven all over the world. Even the most promiscuous countries fight it because it causes misery.
Porn dealers write predatory programs to hunt people down on their electronics like vermin. If they can just expose a person to a pernicious jolt of hormone, they might hook him or her to enrich themselves. And every exposure increases the pusher's odds of hooking the mark. It's just like someone infecting you with a virus so they can sell you meds, or slipping you a drug (not just offering it) in order to hook you. Luckily, we don't have to "opt out" of meth in our water! Nor should we have to opt out of contamination from greedy people on our phones or tablets. Please sign this petition to protect your little ones and yourselves, before they are exposed repeatedly enough to become another victim.
As a psychotherapist, husband of 32 years, and father of 3, I've seen so many wives and children with broken hearts that started with p***! I don't even want to use the word, because the word itself is a trigger to the addicted. It's so often the cause of family unhappiness that we ask about it right up there with alcohol and drugs. In fact, when a puzzled and grieving wife or girlfriend says her previously caring husband has become 1) easily angered and irritable, 2) critical & unkind, 3) entitled and demanding, 4) mean and cruel to her and the children, and/or 5) hyper-sexual or non-sexual or demanding unusual and degrading sex, we immediately suspect he is hooked. Families report that his anger and hostility are more traumatic and stressful on his wife and children than the heart-breaking cyber-infidelity itself. This can also happen to women of course, but so far we see far more men addicted.
Why does it DO that to a guy? My professional and personal opinion is two-fold. One, is that he becomes used to the unrealistic women online and feels cheated that his own partner is just human, even if she's beautiful. She can't BE a dozen different women online, and she hopefully won't allow her body to be used for increasingly disgusting sex acts to satisfy his need for greater arousal. So his entitlement starts to make him demanding and unkind. He starts using anger and coercion to get her to cooperate, or simply because he feels like it. Two, the emotionally and spiritually destructive nature of this behavior makes men mean, unhappy, unkind, depressed, and even suicidal. It makes good men bad and bad men worse. We men know it's wrong. We deny it, but we know it is, don't we. Those of us who crave this offal scream self-righteously about freedom and censorship and tolerance, but in reality we just want to protect our fix. Few of us have any tolerance for virtue, and hypocritically scream just as loudly AGAINST good and wholesome opinions by calling THEM intolerant (intolerant of what you may ask?) of our own destructive vices. No, I don't use porn, but I came close to becoming hooked decades ago and was very very lucky to escape.
So how does a family regain happiness? How can a man or boy recover and become normal? A few programs specialize in this field, and they have far more info than my summary here, but for now, in my opinion several areas need to be addressed simultaneously, assuming the man is really ready to change: 1. Temporarily, such as a month, (or long-term if needed), eliminate the sex drive using testosterone-reducing medication. Several have worked great for sex offenders around the world. It stops the chemically/hormonally-driven aspect of the addiction while day-to-day routines are changed. One man described it as liberating, by being released from a constant burden.
2. Replace the behavioral aspects of the addiction with other behaviors that are virtue-promoting. How?
A. Brainstorm numerous replacement activities to be done instead of the vice.
B. Find your morality, your honor, your dignity, your integrity, your nobility. Mentally act like the real man that you can be proud of.
C. Assume privacy is a myth.
D. Gain an eternal perspective by talking to someone who's been to the other side—that's right, someone who's been resuscitated after a flat-line experience.
E. As you stay away from the fantasy images and unreal role plays, your natural attraction for your wife will return.
F. If you can find the courage, ask God for help. He's really there. He really helps.
Remember Sir Edmond Burke, who wrote "The only thing necessary for the triumph of evil is for good men [and women] to do nothing."