Howdy all,

I'm in a little bit of a predicament. I have been dating this girl who is actively LDS, she knows I don't agree with the church and many of the things it lies about. I've learned many things from SparkyGuru, but I haven't dug into everything enough for myself to really know to decide if she's worth my time. So far I use, mormonthink, fair and farms, LDS.org, "scriptures", journal of discourses, and good old Wikipedia for my little knowledge. Where else can I find good trustworthy information and data?

If you're trying to de-mormonize her, my advice is just not to go there. Just let her know that you don't believe in the church and you never will. If she asks why, then of course feel free to give your reasons in the most non-hostile way you can, but if you want a smooth relationship, you won't get it by rocking her religious boat.

Mormonthink.com has a lot of good info.

We have had quite a few posters in the past who arrived at RfM for similar or related reasons. Some of them came here to understand why a relationship that seemed to be going so well was abruptly ended by the Mormon girlfriend/boyfriend who suddenly announced they wanted a temple marriage and needed a Mormon relationship to achieve that deeply-programmed goal. The non-Mormon partner was unceremoniously dumped, often without explanation or warning, leaving them hurt and confused.

You might want to start a thread (or, if you can, edit your subject line on this thread) asking for advice from NeverMo's (never-Mormon) who were dating a less-active or inactive Mormon, sometimes referred to as a JackMo. Be specific in your subject line because there are a lot of people who often lurk but seldom post who might be willing to share their experiences with you on this specific topic.

My two cents...
If she is actively LDS, she will not "settle" for less than the Mormon dream--temple marriage. You cannot give her that as a non-Mormon. Temple marriage as the ideal is deeply engrained. You could be the most fantastic, supportive, loving guy in the world, and the fact that you aren't Mormon overshadows all of the good. It can be tough to not take that personally, but it's not a reflection on you. It's testament to the power of years of indoctrination and family expectations.

Best wishes to you.

www.20truths.info

I once worked with a foolish young man who married into Mormonism. His wife soon told him that he had to get rid of all his childhood friends. That could be your future, so think about it.

I'm a little confused by your comment, "I've learned many things from SparkyGuru, but I haven't dug into everything enough for myself to really know to decide if she's worth my time." Could you clarify what you mean by this? Do mean you that you are trying to decide if she is worth you time by what you learn about Mormonism? Or that you are trying to do decide if Mormonism is true or worth joining for someone else?

Regardless, I HIGHLY recommend the following online sources to learn the real, TRUE, dirt on Mormonism.

http://home.teleport.com/~packham/tract.htm
http://mormonthink.com/personalstories/A_Letter_to_a_CES_Director.pdf
http://utlm.org/onlinebooks/changecontents.htm

The first link is a great overview for those who are not LDS. The second link is a great summary for all the reasons the church is not what it claims. It was written by a member of the LDS church who eventually lost his belief and wrote a letter explaining the main problems he came across in his research.
The last link is a link to a book that goes into more depth and detail of the problems in Mormon history/doctrine.

See if you can get your girlfriend to read the above. I would make an ultimatum with her. If she is not willing to research the issues which you have issues with, then she is not worthy of your time as a girlfriend and does not really care about your concerns. She doesn't have to change your views but she should at least be willing to study the issues with you.

BTW, if she doesn't de-convert, then its gonna suck being married to a Mormon girl. Others can attest to this.