I would like to sit and bear you, my brothers and sisters, my testimony of the one truth in our world. I am so happy that, after struggling for so long, I have finally discovered the truth and it has enriched my life.

You see, for years, I was lost. I was trying everything I could think of to lose weight and stay in shape. I devoted myself to running, but never lost the weight. Dear friends of mine suggested strength training, but I refused. You see, I was prideful, and weight training was hard. Satan had me in his grasps, and I could not shake him. For a time, I was doomed to do only what was comfortable.

After years of running, I decided to rehab my knee, and give strength training a try. I am here to tell you, that it is the true and only exercise for losing weight and staying healthy. I am so happy when I go to the gym and see my fellow weight lifters circulating the dumbells, grunting as they feel the spirit!

But, at the same time, I am saddened. As I walk into the gym, I see many who have the appearance of going to lift weights, but lose their way and turn in shame, like a dog to its vomit, to the cardio area of the gym. I want so badly to show them the error of their ways! They are lost, and don't even know it. I just want them to know the joy and happiness I have found and the truth that only doing what I do can others be happy.

but, I must admit, there have been times where I have been weak...On nice days, I have succumb to temptation. I have gone out the lake trail and (gasp) ran. I knew it was wrong. I could tell satan was dragging me down and confusing my soul. So I went back to the gym and lifted to cleanse myself.

Only by exercising the way I exercise can you be healthy and happy in this life. In the name of Gold's Gym, Amen.