in all areas in Kindergarten. It makes me sick to my stomach to think she may have to repeat.

Does anyone have experience with a child repeating? Did they suffer any social stigma? Did they love doing Kindergarten again? Is there any specific problem that I need to watch for during this transition?

hi my grandchild did 2 years in Kindergarten and now in the 1st grade she is doing great and some of the other kids were keep back also. She now get A's and B's and no problems.

My kids have not been held back but there have been kids in their kinder. class that were. The kid in my oldest sons kinder. class that got held back ended up being the "cool kid" He was older than the kids in his kinder. class and he knew all the kids in the first grade class (his former kinder. class). He seemed to adjust really well. The girl who got held back in my middle son's class switched to a different school to redo kinder. that is always an option if your daughter is embarassed at all. You also might have her evaluated by the school distract. I have known a number of kids who were targeted by the teacher with having learning problems only to discover, after evaluation, that they had exceptionally high IQ's, whereupon they were transfered to the gifted and talented program. Also, is your daughter a summer birthday? There are kids in my son's kindergarten class who are almost an entire year older than him as he is a late summer birthday. Good luck to you and your daughter. In the long run, I think it is better to be held back and gain confidence in your skills than to be always struggling to catch up to your peers.

Maybe your daughter is so bored in kindergarten she is failing. That experience kind of ruined my schooling. I could read. Count and was twice the size of the other kindergartners. If i got skipped to 1stor 2nd grade right away it would have helped

pass to first grade. It ultimately has nothing to do with how gifted they are - or aren't - in the academic department. Some kids just need a little more time to grow up.

I had three of five repeat. One in Kinder, one in third, one in fifth. All for being not ready to go on--immaturity. They wouldn't do the work and turn it in rather than having trouble understanding it.

Kinder is the place to repeat; it gets harder emotionally as they get older.

They do adjust and they do get over it--it is more about how you handle it. If you let them know that you love them no matter what and this is how things are going to happen they will be fine. No blame, no shame. Just, this is what needs to be done and this is what you will need to do to go on.

Do get an independent assessment! Check with your medical insurance and see if they can help--do they have a gatekeeper for counseling for families and individuals? Go for it! It should help with what to do and say. And an independent academic assessment will help you decide what direction you want to go in as far as tutoring, etc.

My kinder repeater is in Med School right now. Fifth grade repeater speaks three languages and has a master's in french studies and works for the Post of Galvestion. Both had help in college from academic scholarships.

My 3rd grade repeater is not going to college--he is simply not a scholar. He wants to be an actor and we are going to help him make that happen.

So you see, all is not lost! It just means you have a little one who needs more attention than average. Which might mean he or she can achieve much more if allowed to. Don't be too hard on yourself! It's not a statement on your abilities as a parent--nor a statement on your child's abilities as a student!

perfectly normal smart kids. They'd have been devastated by going ahead too fast and being the dumbest kid in class, and instead they got to be normal.

When is the birthday? Kids who are on the cusp are especially vulnerable to being pushed too hard too fast.

People don't all mature at the same rate, but time takes care of it if humans don't screw it up.

It's not social stigmatizing to repeat at that young age as it might later on. I wouldn't worry too much! I have an uncle who was held back 3X who is now a Ret. College Prof.

We ignored it. Then we were told after they completed 2nd grade that they be recycled through, also because of academic deficiencies. We refused. Finally in 11th grade they proved to be what? Academically deficient, and by this time it was too late.

The good side is that I, too, was "academically deficient" and have always had a bad problem with ADD. My parents were told to put me back through 3rd grade. I still have all the same problems, but meanwhile I have a good govt career and speak three foreign languages well and have operated around the world. One of my twins in question became a well-known artist and is back in Europe as I write this doing a major show there. Despite the problems, you just never know whether or not it's going to inhibit you all that badly.

If I had it to do over again, however, I'd make them repeat the grade. Should you discover later that it was a mistake not to do it when you had the chance, it will be difficult if not impossible to reverse the error.

I have 2 siblings who my mother wished she had held back--as they were born just before the cutoff date. One of them did drop out of high school, but he is now a manager at a company (no college) and earns in the 6 figures. My other sibling is very successful, too.

My sister held her son back in first grade. I don't think it improved his performance, but he did graduate. He also now is very successful as a construction supervisor--supervising building bridges for the U.S. Government.

My daughter's oldest has ADHD and she tried a medication change that has really messed up his performance this year. He's bright but has focusing and follow through issues.

My son's oldest has autism. The school psychologist thought he could handle being mainstreamed in kindergarden but we ended placing him in an integrated kindergarden within the week. This year he's mainstreamed and I'm sure they're going to promote him at that end of the year to the second grade even though he's not academically up to par. I don't think holding him back OR advancing him will make a difference really. I think when he learns to read it will make a huge difference academically but until then we'll just limp along like we are.

And my son's second boy is developmentally delayed. He's a six year old in an integrated kindergarden and he's physically, emotionally AND academically behind. I don't know why but I think he's mainly just a late bloomer. He's in speech therapy because he talks like a three year old and he has a really tough time learning basics, like numbers and his alphabet. I doubt they'll hold him back but I think he'll be struggling for a few more years yet. Boys especially are prone to developmental delays and they often go through a neurological "growth spurt" arund the age of 8.

I think the effect of being held back is really going to be controlled by you. If you are matter of fact about it, accept it as one of those things that happen in life, it is less likely to cause your child stress or lower your child's self esteem. I also agree with the advice to have your child assessed by a professional. It helps a lot to have a neutral professional giving you advice when your child has academic needs. :)

I taught first grade in a public school for five years (and other grades as well.) Repeating a grade at a very young age is almost always a good thing. The question is where to repeat it, which I'll get to later. It's critical that you get the teacher's opinion about what the issue might be. In most cases at that age, it's a maturity issue. A lot of what goes on academically at that age is developmental in nature. This doesn't mean that your child is lacking in intelligence, it just means that he or she is a late bloomer. Particularly if your child is one of the youngest in the class, this is the most likely cause. Hopefully the teacher has lots of experience. If you have a new teacher, you will want the principal or school counselor to observe your child in class to get his or her opinion as well.

Kindergarten has been called "the new first grade." Back when I entered the profession, if a child knew his or her letters, numbers, colors, etc. the child was good to go for the first grade. Now children are expected to be reading in kindergarten.

First grade is probably the most stressful year for elementary age kids. I always say that first grade takes them the furthest academically the fastest. If your child does not repeat kindergarten, the chances are overwhelming that he or she will have to repeat first grade. As to where the repeat should happen, it's a toss-up. I would talk with both the kindergarten teacher, the first grade teacher and the principal to get their opinions.

There is a small possibility that your child has another possible issue such as a learning disability. Again, discuss this with your child's teacher to get her opinion. You can request testing by putting your request to your school's child study team in writing, but testing is often inconclusive at such a young age.

Most kids who repeat are at the top of their group the next year, and do quite well in school thereafter. They enjoy being successful. If there continues to be an issue after repeating, then you are most likely looking at a more serious problem.

Generally there are few social consequences for very young repeaters. That changes as students get older.

The best way to help your child at home is be reading to him or her every day. Read picture books from the public library, wordless picture books such as the "Arthur" series (ask your child to tell you what is happening on each page,) Dr. Seuss books, fairy tales and folk tales. It's okay to read the same stories over and over. Point to the words as you are reading them. Reading a book right before a child goes to bed is a nice way to finish off the day.

Make sure that your child has one-to-one correspondance. Ask him or her to count a set of like objects, i.e. Cheerios or M&M's, pointing to each object as it is counted. Make sure that your child knows his/her shapes and colors. Practice recognizing and writing letters and numbers (the teacher can give you lined paper.) Also have your child do lots of cutting and pasting activities -- maybe make collages of pictures from magazines around a theme, i.e. pets, friends, plants, etc.

Good luck to you, and give a shout-out if you have any questions. Don't be afraid if your child has to repeat -- it will be for the best, trust me!

Good post.

The dropout rate for old high-schoolers is very high. If he would be nineteen as a senior, beware.

and how much support you give her overall.

My youngest sister did K twice. It was the year I left home and I had been a major part of her life. It was really stressful on her in particular.

Because she repeated, she ended up being smarter and better prepared than all her classmates. If my parents had been the kind of parents who know how to manage a child's education, she probably would have had better college prospects for having been held back (my parents are very "hands-off" in all things but Mormonism).

Sometimes other kids made an issue of her being older, but it wouldn't have been too bad if my mother could have stopped making it into a significant issue all the time. My mother has this way of projecting her anxieties on her children. I didn't notice it until I left but my mother taught us to be stressed out about everything that stressed her out. She just kept bringing it up. She should have just accepted it and then let it be a non-issue from then forward, but she just couldn't let go-- she was always trying to come up with some way that my sister could catch up. She just didn't understand that this anxiety and continual urging equated with "It's a problem for me that you were held behind in Kindergarten and it should be a problem for you too".

When my sister hit her growth spurt (she was taller than me when she was twelve) she stood out, and my mother really made it an issue then. The thing is, my sister is tall and would have been dealing with the bean-pole issue whether she was a year ahead or a year behind, but my mother had to tie it all in with the being-a-year-behind issue. Eventually my sister was insecure enough that my mother convinced her to home-school in order to "graduate" at the same age as her church friends. That was a disaster (again, my parents are very "hands-off" in all things but Mormonism) and she'll now be lucky to have any semblance of a high school education at all.

My husband was also held back a year in third grade. I just asked him what he thought about it and he said that being held back was definitely a good thing for him, but he felt like his parents gave up on him after that. It was like they just assumed he wasn't going to be able to do well, so what was the point in stressing him out? They just assumed he wasn't "college material" and were satisfied when he barely graduated (without much help). He wishes his parents hadn't assumed that he wasn't cut out for higher education and that they had taken more of an interest in his education.

He is actually not learning-disabled. He was held back because he had an ongoing medical issue (seizures) that hadn't been properly diagnosed. He was having episodes in school and was constantly spaced out in class and that affected his ability to learn.

He said a few classmates made fun of him when they found out that he was held back (a teacher announced it in class) and he had a lot of anxiety about people finding out. Plus, they started sending him to "resource classes" and that's really what other kids made fun of him about. He said that by the time he got into junior high, nobody cared.

In my sister's case-- she would have been fine if my mother had been fine about it. In my husband's case, he is fine, but it took him a while to figure out that he's certainly not stupid and that he definitely IS "college material".

I know others who were held back and it was a non-issue for them entirely. Several of my cousins have no insecurities about it whatsoever and have done quite well in life. Plus, in college, it's not like anyone cares whether you're 18 or 20, or 30 when you start. I'm about to graduate and I'm 32. I wish I had only been a year behind :0)

If it is an issue for you, it will certainly be an issue for her. But, if you can accept it and accept her, and provide her the support she needs, she's going to be better off in the long run.

When I went into kindergarten I could already read. However I thought my teacher looked like the mean lady running the orphanage in Annie. Pretty sure the teacher picked up on my dislike of her. For whatever reason, reading or dislike, I was offered the chance to go to first grade after 3 months of K.
My parents asked me to make that call. Do not do this to your child!
I like to say this is the reason I am socially inept, I never got to get used to playing with other kids, that's what K was mostly, toys, games, and learning letters. And naptime.

By third grade I was put in the gifted program, but my mother decided that was the perfect opportunity to switch me back to an appropriate age grade, and no amount of pleading on my part could stop it.

WTF did they let me choose in K and have no input when I was older???

I had already done the 3rd grade curriculum, but was forced to do it over. I was allowed to work at my own pace in this school, but by the time I finished 4th grade I had finished 5th grade work. I was having problems socially, one kid picked on me before school every day, so I was transfered back to a regular school where I "repeated" fifth grade.

My study habits were completely shot from that point on because clearly everything was a repeat. I graduated with a 2.8.

Whatever you do, don't do it that way^^^

I am very successful now, but that is largely chance. Never did go to college...

Nice stigma amongst the other kids. Before the gifted program I was sent with the kids who struggled. They got all the attention while I did homework because they actually needed the help. I learned how to make eraser animals and paper clip slingshots from the kids who were always cutting up in class.
Could have used more socialization help, but that wasn't what school was for back then. Listen to me sounding like an old fart. I think my school was behind the times, the teachers still had paddles hung above the door. The teacher could point at it and get the whole class to shut up.
I'm 32.

It could be that the teachers are academically deficient...

...that Albert Einstein did not learn to read until he was in the third grade. My best guess is that he had an undiagnosed learning disability (as I tell parents, having learning disabilities just means the brain is wired differently than the norm. Not better, not worse, just differently.)

Obviously he turned out okay. :-)

I tell kids...each flower blooms when it's ready. Not a minute sooner, not a minute later.

pushing a child forward into the center, then top of their grade took a toll- took the edge off their joy & a sense of toil or futility was taught to them in their early education

then collapsing into a fragility of futility facing huge honors classes huge homework in highschool spiraling sorting into As taking tests Fs in classwork & homework, remedied only in community college where gradual success made a rebirth possible.

the futility of former struggles were never lost on them; their siblings' physical struggles with physical joint pain intermittently being unable to walk or crawl- then needing a bone marrow transplant rebuilding out part of the jaw lost to a mass generated an obstacle--
and combined with the difficulty of NOT having been held back, needing to constantly claw their place up in their class- continually effortfully competing just to keep catching up academically-
not conincidentally-

was the year this child gave up in several classes repeatedly.
the pattern recurred consistently throughout high school.

Then getting a part time job, gaining independence with a city wide bus pass, going to a community college- going out nights with friends, discovering & recovering from their own health problem, expressing themselves with adult friends, exploring- combined to gain some sort of pass finally to learned futility

it wasn't until the power was taken back, leaving the church as an older teen, being allowed to refuse seminary, over enrolling in classes repeatedly making the power filled choice to drop the worst *schedule, teacher, least pleasant, timing each term at college, gaining power over which life course to take- which class, which major, exactly whatever they want-
then, it finally began to sink in.

I really do not think the cycling through failure would have ever occurred (with a 99% verbal SAT score) if this child were not recommended for a 2 year kingergarten in preschool,then sent ahead at the bottom of the curve playing catch up for years. I think it impacted them in ways it took years & years of effortful parenting to provide support for

I wouldn't do it again that way - there could have been more balloons from speech contests, more coming out in the middle or on top, less pressure younger building more resilliance, or at least more bounce houses, pizza nights, joy & less tutoring homework guiding. SERiously

it took years on the knoll grunge goth

Would it be inconsiderate of me to suggest pulling your child out immediately and getting him/her into a Montessori school? I was never in one, but I always thought the idea was great and really wanted to be in one. I've been reading about them lately and I have no faith in the school system whatsoever, but I wouldn't be keen on homeschooling if there's any way around it. Private schools, in general, are terrible. They seem nice. They're mostly awful. Those I know first hand, went to lots of them.

He missed too many days of school last year school year due to back-to-back hand surgeries.

He loves doing Kindergarten all over again. Zach is responsible and he's a leader this year.

Just my 2 cents.

;o)



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/05/2011 12:50AM by shannon.

My now 10 year old son should never have been passed to first grade. He was so socially immature and had a hard time with friends. By the end of third grade,as I was comparing his work (at back to school night) to all the other kids in his class and I thought-what the hell am I doing? He was so not ready for fourth grade. So he repeated 3rd,and it was very hard for him to watch his buddies move up. But I am so greatful I did hold him back because he is doing wonderful in 4th grade. I would definitly recommend holding his back in Kin. if it looks like he needs it. Better now than in 4 years.

I have a little guy in Montessori, home schooled one to 8th, then public HS she graduated 4th in a big HS.

I am homeschooling one still, but using internet this time.

Teachers are bureacratic weaklings, bullies, and loathsome failures who want an easy job, and secure retirement.


Listen to "The Wall" by Pink Floyd

Every person is different. Some get hungry BEFORE "lunchtime", some want to study math a little longer before "reading time", some are even "fags!"

Gasp!

Give a kid a break

When I was young and went to school there were certain teachers...

The job was always hard but in recent years, under "No Child Left Behind" it's gotten miserable. I don't know of a single teacher who recommends it. And most teachers I know put in 55 hours a week and up. Parents just don't see all the labor that goes into the job.

As for being "bureaucratic weaklings," we are told what to teach, when to teach it, and quite often how to teach it. When I was in school studing the field of education, I often heard the term "professional decision making." That is a laugh! I had far more decision making power when I worked in professional sales. Even when I cooked for a hotel.

You're correct that schools are run like little mini-boot camps. You find out very quickly as an educator that if you make very many exceptions to the rules, chaos ensues.

I support home-schooling because under ideal circumstances, it is a very efficient way to teach and learn. But the quality of the home-school education does depend on the quality of the teacher and the curriculum.

I loved working with children and got a real kick out of helping special needs students realize they weren't stupid. I even thought of being a teacher BUT I realized that the school system would destroy me. I have a lot of respect for teachers who actually brave our public school systems and teach children. I also think you're crazy and/or masochists (lol).

MOST teachers I have known as both an aide and as a caregiver with children in the system were hard working, devoted to children and as competent as the school system allowed them to be. Some just slid by with as little as they could get away with but they were by far the minority.

I too am a fan of homeschooling when it's done well but I'm aware that it's probably done poorly more often than it's done well.

Thank you, Summer and any other teachers on the board. Your job is tough and made tougher by a lot of poorly thought out and poorly defined laws and rules and regulations. I appreciate your committment to children.

I love teacher's aides!

My feeling is that teaching is no different than any other profession. We have a few top performers, a few who are awful, but most fall in the broad middle range.

I watched a first year middle school math teacher break down and cry this week. We all cry at times, but for her it's every day. She's putting in twelve hours every day at school (7 A.M. to 7 P.M.) plus more at night and on weekends, I'm sure. She's under a lot of pressure from the principal to get the test scores, and she said, sobbing, "I just can't do any more." From what I've seen she's an excellent, devoted teacher. What kind of profession treats its new practitioners this badly?

One concern I have about home-schooling is that materials that parents select. Many times I've been in teacher supply stores and watched home-schooling parents select materials. Inevitably they go for the really crappy workbooks. The people who run the stores, for whatever reason, don't guide them to the quality materials. I'm always willing to help if parents are interested. While there is a definite advantage to one-to-one tutoring, you have to have some decent materials as well. JMO.

kids deserve a playground for the mind, not a prison.

adults too, for that matter.

+1

Thanks guys! I appreciate the feedback. She's a wonderful little girl. To be honest, most of my concerns are just that, my concerns.

We have a parent teacher conference next week to start planning the near term goals.

Thanks again!

Hey, I don't know if you still want anymore answers but my older brother was also assessed academically deficient. He was held back in 1st grade and according to him in the end it helped him. He made a lot of friends then that he is still friends with now and even ended up taking a few honors classes when he was in high school.

I was forced up in math when I was in 6th grade and it wasn't until 9th grade than I was able to adjust and start doing well in the subject. My twin was placed into advance math when he was in 2nd grade and never had any issues.

In my opinion if you think it would help your daughter, do it young it'll make it easier.