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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:26PM

I don't get it. Maybe I'm desensitized now, I don't know, I just think a lot of people are still so scared by even talking about sex, not to mention the act itself.

To me, sex is something that should be enjoyed and celebrated, not hidden in the shadows like a Jesus-era leper.

And here's another question: how many of you have been able to separate love and sex? I ask because a few people here, myself included, have talked about "swinging" and threeways and all that. For those of us who do that kind of thing (DH and I do occasionally), how difficult has it been for you to separate the two?



Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2011 01:34PM by GayLayAle.

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Posted by: ExMormonRon ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:37PM

Okay, here's my experience and don't ask for details.

Sex is sex. Wanna get laid? Find someone else that wants to and say "Sex is good. Want some?". Oddly enough, that works in many cases. To this day, some of my best female friends are those that I had flings with. It was sex, I don't want to marry you, but dayum,,,,that was fun! Great women, every one of them.

I was invited into a one-time threesome (me, him, her) romp and these were folks I was good friends with. We all got to laughing so hard that it almost didn't progress to anything.

Now to the hard part. I can, in all straight-face honesty, say that I have never been in love...you know, that rockets in the sky, ohmygodIcan'tlivewithoutyou, thunderbolt love? Never had it and probably never will. Now I HAVE had that rockets in the sky, ohmygod, thunderbold sex. More than once thank gawd. If I had to choose, it'd be the rocket sex, not the rocket love.

Just my miopic, jaded view.

Ron

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Posted by: dieter1 ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:46PM

if you are a guy who wants to have a threesome with a chick, and this 3some involves another guy, you are doing it wrong.

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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:47PM


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Posted by: dieter1 ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:53PM

Wouldnt it be the same for you bt in reverse? I mean if some hotguy wanted you to have a threesome and he wanted a girl there?

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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:55PM

We met a couple (man & woman). Man bisexual, woman, straight. But all she wanted to do was watch. Never happened, but I wouldn't be adverse to it.

I've had sex with women before, and I never found it gross or anything, just not my thing.

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Posted by: vasalissasdoll ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 02:18PM

Very good example...I'll go into more detail for myself below, but that sort of thinking doesn't really work when you have one or more bisexual individuals involved.

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:47PM


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Posted by: ExMormonRon ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:53PM

Bingo! We have a winner. She said she wanted to (with me of all people) and he said go for it. Win win.

ron

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:46PM

And talking about it only reminds them how unsatisfied they are.

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Posted by: voltaire ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:51PM

And some people will always be afraid of the freedom of the open door.

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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:52PM

Being sexually liberated is one of the most wonderful feelings in the world.

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Posted by: Itzpapalotl ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:51PM

It wasn't too hard for me to ever seperate sex from love. Sex is about a need for me. If I'm in love with person I'm havcing sex with, it makes it even hotter.

Sex is not taboo at all for me...I've been accused of being too focused on discussing sex, lol.

Let's just say I used to be like Samantha from SATC. ;)

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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:52PM

Being "preoccupied and obsessed" with sex.

Well to that I say, so the fuck what?

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Posted by: bignevermo ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 01:52PM

that was the mantra for a relationship i had while i was in Syracuse NY!!! she was a stone cold fox and we had so much fun... but when i wanted her address(she was moving) she said no...this was it.... i was there for two weeks...well that was it.(well i was never in Syracuse again)... ahh but the memories...and i have had more than one threesome..so in the past i have been able to separate the two....but not when real young... i thought they were the same.... and now i am "old"(53)... it is less about the sex than the love! but thats just me!!

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Posted by: vasalissasdoll ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 02:27PM

I started getting crushes on other girls in high school, and was told by my parents that "everyone has that happen" and "it would go away when I got married". Nope. It's been an interesting trip.

DH and I have worked through a lot of sexual hang-ups with each other (on both sides), the most recent being him realizing that he was also turned on by men, something that he had squashed very hard because of his older brother coming out as gay shortly after his mission, all the years he had felt obligated to defend him (no, my brother isn't gay) as a teen, etc, etc.

As of right now, though? We haven't had a relationship with anyone else...yet...part of it is that I tend to be very romantic at heart, and the idea of just hooking up for the new sensations scares me a bit. I'd rather find someone I could be friends with, either gender.

Ten years down the road I could see us in some sort of slightly complicated poly setup, honestly, so long as we get over this hump of finding people we actually "click" with(and move out of S.E. Idaho, but that's another story).

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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 03:15PM

But once we were able to mentally separate sex and love, it was a lot of fun.

One thing we only keep between he and I though is kissing on the mouth.

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Posted by: vasalissasdoll ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 03:31PM

We've been talking about this for...probably five years? Long, long, before we were ready to actually leave.

In some ways what really remains is to just start to get to know more people that aren't a part of the mormon wagon circle. That we can be ourselves with, without feeling like we have to pretend. I have a feeling things will sort of flow from there.

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Posted by: dieter1 ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 04:32PM

Already posted on here how my wife isnt intrested in even light bdsm, and didnt tell me until after she told me she had done it with her ex. >(

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Posted by: Stray Mutt ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 02:35PM

...there are still things like body shame (I'm fat... I'm ugly...) and performance anxiety (my dick isn't big enough... I can't stay hard... I come too soon...) to make people less than eager to talk about sex.

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Posted by: nocleverusername ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 03:29PM

My SO and I are active in the swinger lifestyle, both of us started swinging in past relationships. He really likes the ego stroke (ha!) of FMF threesomes and while I am ok with, sometimes even enthusiastic about being with another woman, I like swapping, watching him with another woman while I am being entertained by her husband, MFM threesomes, moresomes, etc.

I was raised LDS with a negative attitude toward sex, but found in my teens the ability to appreciate love sex and sex for the experience sex. Both types have their places. I am extremely open and find that a lot of vanilla (non swingers) are uncomfortable with frank discussion about sex. I don't really get it, but whatever, don't want to make people uneasy.

In the lifestyle I have come across A LOT of ex-mo or still practicing mormons and it is interesting to see the difference in TBMs and sexually liberated LDS folk. I guess Mormon swinging could be another thread in and of itself.

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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 03:31PM

Seriously, go you guys!!!

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Posted by: Anon female ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 03:41PM

I have always been sexually charged from a young age, even when I was a practicing Mormon. What I found surprising that once I started bringing up sex between my ex bf and even my current fiance, my mom (Mormon) will discuss it with me! This is surprising since it is sex before marriage. But as a matter of fact, all the women in my immediate family are not afraid to discuss sex with me, and my sister is a TBM. I guess I'm easy to talk to about it lol. So I guess I don't notice that sort of sexual repression in my Mormon (and non-Mormon) family.

I sort of started out separating love from sex. When I lost my virginity, I was raped, so sex didn't really connect with love. I went from one night stand to one night stand for all my teens and the beginning of college (no threesomes though). I was never fully able to connect the two until I was 20, and I am never going back. To me, having sex without love just makes me feel empty and alone. It's not for me, but that's not to say I don't understand how someone else could enjoy it.

I am lucky that I am able to share *some* of my sexual life with my family, and the man I'm going to marry is amazing and uninhibited in bed. Yeah, I could deal with that for the rest of my life.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 03:55PM

Hey--that would be me--sex is taboo. To each his own though.

I've been the "cheated on" party.

I don't care if anyone else does it. BUT I want to be in a committed sexual relationship--not just a committed love relationship.

And even though my boyfriend was very active sexually before his marriage, he'd go ballistic if he thought I was interested in having sex with someone else. He was cheated on, too.

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Posted by: vasalissasdoll ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 04:01PM

I think that part of the reason why me and my spouse feel so differently is because we got married very young--I was sexually active before we got married, but my husband's first kiss. Now, at 31/26, we have had a very long time to make sure that our relationship is healthy and stable, before augmenting it in any way through interaction with others.

Neither of us, though, seem "built" for monogamy. It makes much more sense to find healthy, mature ways to work with that, then try to fight it. If you and your bf are both happy monogamists, I'm very happy for you!

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Posted by: GayLayAle ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 04:05PM

You and your husband seem absolutely RAD. It'd be fun to get to know you guys on a social level.

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Posted by: cl2 ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 04:07PM

That is what it all comes down to--is what works for different people.

My ex--and if you've read here long enough--is gay. Actually, I'm an "adulteress" because I'm still married, but have been separated for over 15 years now. BUT--my ex has had sex with 100s of men (most he doesn't know their names). I KNOW he is not a monogamist and all the partners he has had are monogamists and so the relationships don't last. I hope that someday he can find someone who feels like GayLayAle and his husband--as that is the ONLY type of relationship that will work for my ex.

Being cheated on is really mind-bending for anyone. Not like I'm stuck in the mormon mindset either though. I wear my adulteress badge with pride. I love being a sinner after being such a prude when I was younger. I've kissed basically 2 guys--my boyfriend and my ex (my boyfriend was also my boyfriend at age 20 and now I am 53).
_______________

Oh, and about talking about sex--I am the resident "talk to her about their sex life" person. I find it absolutely humorous. You have NO IDEA how many people talk to me about their sex lives. AND I don't talk much about mine to ANYONE. People always made comments about my ex and I--comments like, "Well, at least he was able to have sex with you once (one pregnancy)," and he and I just smile at each other.



Edited 3 time(s). Last edit at 02/03/2011 04:10PM by cl2.

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Posted by: Rebeckah ( )
Date: February 03, 2011 04:07PM

I don't trust people and the act of sex is very intimate. I protect myself by remaining celebate. (I'm also a bit paranoid about STDs and I have issues with being touched.) Of course I also have Asperger's and a lot of this may be connected to that.

As for discussing sex -- I don't care but I do try to be sensitive to the comfort level of others. I know my son and daughter in law have experimented more in their sexual experiences than I would ever be comfortable with but my only concern is that they don't form a relationship that is going to adversely affect their children. I am very much against polyamorous relationships because I think it is virtually impossible to stop someone from feeling inferior and being hurt. And "swinging" concerns me because when you have sex with someone you also have sex with everyone they've had sex with. (STDs again)

But those are just my opinions. My children do what they feel is right in their lives. (And they tell me to get a boyfriend on a regular basis so our "opinionating" goes both ways.) :D

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