After numerous lessons on how I am "walking pornography" to men, I learned to be wary of men, even fear them.

Now, I do not believe any of the BS they fed me in YW anymore, but the phobia remains. I fear if I am alone with a man and he finds me attractive, he may rape me. Now I know it is freaking crazy, I do. I know men have self control, its just kind of a knee jerk reaction with me. Now I can't talk to men or go on dates because my first thought is " what if he does something?!?!" Ugh. I really hate this about me. I really do. I want to be normal and go on dates and be happy, but this fear of men causes problems.

Does anyone else have this or am I just crazy. If you have, any advice for me? Will it go away with dating and hanging out with guys?

Yo. Take control. Make the first move...

I joined the church at age 17 then turned 18 and they put me straight into Relief Society, so I didn't get the proper YW brainwashing, but I did eventually get brainwashed pretty well. In RS two cookies were passed around: one wrapped, one unwrapped, then we were asked who would rather have the wrapped cookie and of course we all raised our hand except for one smartass overweight woman who said she'd eat both.

Of course that was an object lesson about chastity or fidelity or contraception or something.

As a child I grew up raised by my dad. He had quite a porn collection. That messed with my head, so I was always uncomfortable around men.

Now with that issue on top of having been a sexually repressed TBM for 20 years, I am childlike and catatonically shy around men. The men I've managed to get close to don't like childlike, sexually-repressed women, so I'm striking out there.

Ohhh I hate those lessons! Thank you for sharing your story, it really means a lot that someone else is going through this. :)

I really understand! I too have been there, but I did manage to find some nice men who helped me overcome it. I think getting to know men in a public place and seeing that they are not trying to harm you will help. Try to have lots of friends including men and see how that works.

Don't feel odd or bad about your reaction, it is fairly common, given the sexual repression of women and the actual abuse of women. But there are nice men, perhaps some will talk to you here, and help you to overcome some of the fear.

My love to you both!

Its good to know someone had and got over this! It is possible! Thank you. I'm glad I am not the only one. :) I really like the public place idea, I will definitely try that! :)

If you think about the process you go through getting to know a new girlfriend, it's really pretty similar. Keep your relationship confined to public places (movies, restaurants, etc.) until you develop a feel for the person in question. Once you feel that you can trust him, then and only then invite him into your home.

If you don't feel comfortable with any physical advances, just say so, i.e., "I'm not ready for that yet." Most guys are pretty understanding, although they will keep trying, lol. If a guy gives you a hard time about it, just drop him.

You might also consider acquiring some self-defense skills, because I think it would help build your confidence. Aikido is a relatively gentle yet effective martial art (no kicks, no punches/strikes.) It is very female friendly, and you would meet a lot of great guys while doing it. There is nothing quite like seeing a petite female throw a grown man across the room!

+1000

So, you're saying that if a girl pushes you by the shoulders and goes, "Eww-eww-eww!," that she's not ready yet? Sometimes I'm pretty dense about these things.

I never thought about it like that. Good idea! And I like the Aikido haha I took 10 years of Hap Ki Do and that did nothing for me, I couldn't fight my way out of a wet paper bag. XD but I like the " gentle yet effective" approach. I going to find some Aikido dojos in my area. Thanks! Can't wait to throw someone >:D lol

Men finding me attractive always frightened me. I think a lot of reasons that I actually wanted to be fat was so that they'd leave me alone.

O.O its like you read my mind. Yes! Exactly! I did the same thing!

Me too, I've always been terribly afraid and uncomfortable around men. You can't talk to a married man, can't get a ride from a married man.

Wanting to never do anything wrong, I was and still am afraid to talk to them.

Most women feel that way because we are all at risk of male violence. Do a search on "rape culture." Women spend most of their lives planning around the possibility of male violence -- not going out at night, not going certain places alone, being afraid of fathers, partners, teachers, and bosses.

It absolutely is something she can blame on mormon culture. What you are describing is not what the OP is describing.

In the real world, women take precautions, yet manage to have healthy sexual relationships. Mormon culture hijacks sexuality entirely. It goes way beyond the commoditization of female sexuality that is the norm for most run of the mill patriarchy. Mormon sexual repression is totalitarian and can cause severe dysfunction.

Two words: Elizabeth Smart.

Edited 1 time(s). Last edit at 09/16/2013 01:04AM by nailamindi.