Date: August 28, 2013 09:57PM
Hellensnopper, I'm sorry to disagree, but I think the contract idea would set them up for greater heartache. I practice family law. Prenuptial agreements about children are unenforceable. But I know you meant mainly for them to agree on those things for the sake of binding each other rather than enforcing it in court in case of divorce.
The problem is that even in the best of circumstances, any lawyer would tell you, people have different understandings about what they contracted to do, and most people breach at least part of most contracts. (except for simple ones like "you do Y and I'll pay X."
Contracts ruin relationships. Each side will breach in some way. Pointing out that we agreed to X and you are doing Y destroys an intimate partnership. Coming to an agreement from the heart after many conversations is much better than ever reducing those agreements to a contract (or prenuptial) which changes the nature of the relationship and does not in any way ensure they will do it, and no court will enforce it. (Not speaking here about prenuptials limited to assets.)
Jenamarie, you might be interested in watching Carol Tavris on youtube talk about cognitive dissonance. She's written lots of books on why people believe irrational things. She talks in one of the videos of the danger of challenging someone you care about directly because people dig their heels in deeper. It's a psychological phenomenon that happens to all of us. I think this might be the one, there are others out there: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pzuvURWpMFE
I think she has ideas out there on better ways to raise a person's consciousness to avoid cognitive dissonance, which causes the person to justify and believe more.
The book you mentioned, Mormonism: Shadow or Reality, is a good one. So is Mormonism Unveiled. I love that one because it's also funny. Hopefully you can get to where you can read them together some day when he gets to a place where he can't get enough information to satisfy his new understanding that the church cant be true. But you have to start off gradually without appearing that you are trying to prove the church is a lie. Good luck!!