| Subject: | Are you a dangerous person in your family? |
| Date: | Jun 13, 2010 |
| Author: | How the west was won and where it got us |
| I'm a regular poster, but I'm posting this under a
different name. I've posted a lot of IRL [in real life] info before and it wouldn't be hard
for anyone who knows me to figure out who I am. That doesn't bother me,
since I'm completely out as an apostate, but because this involves my little
sister, I want to respect her privacy. I just realized yesterday that I am being shunned by my LDS family in every way that counts. I thought we had come to a good place-- that we were 'agreeing to disagree' while still sharing the family-bond that is (supposedly) more important than common fundamental beliefs. Then I found out through some less-than-tactful total honesty on the part of one of my younger sisters that my parents have spent the last six years innoculating my siblings against taking me seriously as a person, and do not trust me. They have filled her mind so full of nonsense about us that she thinks that spending too much time in our home is putting her salvation at risk. We invited her to come stay with us while she goes to college. She is eighteen but isn't done with high school and our family doesn't have a good track record with high school diplomas (one out of eight kids), let alone college entrance. I'm employed at a good university and am the only person in our family with an education. Having been raised in our family I am fully aware that the rest of them neither appreciate the value of a good education or realize how far the distance is from there to here. While they are proud of me for being so smart, they are generally anti-intellectual and skeptical of academics. If she is serious about wanting to go to school, she needs support that my parents can't give her. Here are the highlights of her explanation for why she is choosing to stay at home and not take advantage of what we are offering her even though she knows it will get her what she wants: ========================================================= "...it seems really nice from what i've heard [coming to stay with us], superb actually. but there is something missing. i know the church is true for myself. not the gospel according to dad, or the gospel according to anyone else (besides Christ, of course). i know it is true. ... but i won't put myself for a long haul in an environment that is not conducive of the spirit. i love you, and i want to spend lots of time with you guys, but you are not earnestly seeking the truth. there is so much anger and tension i feel from you guys about certain things, views that are missing key elements, elements that it would be so easy for me to forget about too, if i were immersed in and environment where they are not apparent. i'm young. it is easy to influence me. i might hate it, but i know that it would be proud and foolish of me to think that i am invincible. all it would take is one step to put me off the right track. "i can miss one day..." "i don't know anybody anyway. no-one will miss me..." "i've had lots of schooling. i know how to run my own life. i don't have to pray about this..." "being a mom is hard. why did i ever want to do that anyway?" rebellion is fun---and good when it takes you in the right direction. but if i just get a couple degrees off the mark, especially this early, i'll miss my target by miles." ================================================== She's a good girl. She means well and however it feels to her, she is NOT doing her own thinking. She has never had an adult conversation in her life and she has been sheltered from all family drama. The anger and bitterness she speaks of is something she has NEVER seen or felt for herself because we agreed when we left the church that we wouldn't undermine my parents' attempts to raise the younger siblings in the church as a condition of our being allowed to be part of their lives. We have had nothing but fun times with her, she has never been exposed to anything about my life that differs from hers aside from the fact that I work and am educated (apparently a dangerous qualification). All the speculation (and it is definitely speculation) about what is missing in our home and what kind of people we are is just the story she has gotten from my mother. I know my mother. I was raised by her too. This is the kind of crap she told me to keep me from living with my gay aunt in California when I wanted to get away from home. I'm not mad at my sister, because I know she is actually innocent in this. She has so little experience and has been raised in such a controlling environment that she doesn't know what it is to think for her herself. She also thought she was thinking for herself when she "decided" to be baptized at eight years of age and this is just an extension of that type of cultural/social/familial manipulation. My mother told her "It's your choice, of course, but I wouldn't do it because, blah, blah, blah, don't risk your testimony, blah, blah, blah..." After hearing this from my mother, her decision was suddenly clear and she "knew" the right thing to do. I am mad at my mother for putting on that she loves, accepts, and trusts me when she clearly does not. She thinks I'm dangerous even though she has also acknowledged that she can't accuse me of ANY wrongdoing or disrespect toward their beliefs. She told me as much yesterday when we had a conversation about what my sister emailed me. She acknowledged that I've never had a bitter or angry moment except in one conversation about Prop 8. I reminded her that two of her faithful LDS friends were more angry about it than I was and that all my facts were correct. I asked her if she really thought my reaction and opinion weren't warranted by the facts. She agrees that the church was out of line and that my reaction was warranted. At the same time, she wishes I had never brought it up because it has bothered her ever since. She still feels "messed up" about the hypocrisy of the church's behavior in light of the claims that the church makes about keeping out of politics. She said over and over again that we've never done anything but be respectful and truthful, but that's not enough for them. They need babysis to be in a home that welcomes the spirit and supports her beliefs. It isn't enough for the beliefs to be tolerated, they have to be strengthened. She then suggested that babysis would feel our hostility and would not be able to be comfortable at home with us. I asked her to tell me on what grounds she holds this concern about hostility and her reply was that even when we're not discussing the church, things that we say challenge their beliefs-- even though they are truthful things that are above reproach. We then had a nice conversation about critical thinking and how I think babysis will be better-equipped to deal with people "out in the world" if she has the chance to regard her beliefs in relation to people that don't share them but are respectful and tolerant. I also reminded her that she had no experience to suggest that our home would be a "hostile" environment for a believer. She acknowledged that we were right, but just doesn't believe that it's possible for babysis to be around us and not fall away. So, I'm dangerous because I'm smart and educated and don't believe what they do-- even though mother acknowledges that we've never so much as hinted at disrespect toward her personal beliefs. She knows she's not being reasonable, but she's afraid and won't risk her daughter's testimony. My mother doesn’t trust me and she has presented me in a way to my sister that keeps her from trusting me too. I’m not taken seriously in this family. I am no longer a person to be loved and understood, but a thing to be feared and rejected. I'm getting over it, but it's a good thing I'm otherwise happy and satisfied with my life or it would hurt more. |
| Subject: | Shunning is what cult members do best.......... |
| Date: | Jun 13 15:25 |
| Author: | AnonyMs |
| I'm sorry this is happening to you. But you know that
your little sister is brainwashed. And we know as exmos that we do not
represent the "church values". I think this could happen to any one of us
here. It's sad. But church comes first. I'm sure my nieces and nephews are very careful with their children. I suspect they've explained to them that I have lost my way. I drink ice tea. And I wear tank tops. :) Maybe I'm dangerous too. I just haven't had a e-mail to confirm it yet. Live well Love well Laugh well AnonyMs |
| Subject: | What strikes me about all this is the fear that a testimony can be lost so easily. |
| Date: | Jun 13 15:26 |
| Author: | SusieQ#1 |
| There is so little confidence in their beliefs that
spending time with a non-believer could destroy their whole belief system in
..say ... a visit of... 3 or 4 hours?? It's that delicate they can't let one
out of their sight? They have to stick together like a gang? The LDS in this family seem to be walking a tight rope, afraid if they don't keep one foot in front of the other, they will fall into an abyss. That sure says something for these folks and how strong their beliefs are. It's like they are repeating them to convince themselves they are OK. Wow..just wow! Sometimes it's best to keep all discussion to two subjects: the weather, and their health! At least you got them thinking. Now to let it sink in and see what happens. |
| Subject: | So basically, they are afraid that if she is exposed |
| Date: | Jun 13 15:31 |
| Author: | cl2 |
| to the real world, she'll lose her testimony. Pretty
shaky testimony. I'm actually not the enemy as most of my siblings were inactive long before I stopped believing. |
| Subject: | Well yes, but they don't know it. |
| Date: | Jun 13 15:33 |
| Author: | Tantalus |
| It would seem that the "spirit" has failed to properly
warn them of the danger that I am. Which is actually kind of amusing to me.
I LOVE it when TBM in laws say things like' "I can really feel the spirit strongly in your home." And I'm like, "Thanks! I know this great website..." |
| Subject: | All of the children graduated from high school, but I am the first female |
| Date: | Jun 13 15:42 |
| Author: | Pixie Dust |
| out of five to graduate from college in the family. In
fact, only two females graduated from college. As for the males, three out of four of them graduated from college. The fourth one adopted a trade instead which worked out well for him. I understand what you are saying: I am a female with a university degree. I speak the King's English. As such, I wound up being a threat to my weakling of a mother but more interesting was that I became a royal threat to the MO church. The MO church doesn't take to kindly to educated females. |
| Subject: | My one TBM Son-in-law will have nothing to do with me, but my TBM daughter calls & visits. nt |
| Subject: | Re: Are you a dangerous person in your family? --- About education. I think that some |
| Date: | Jun 13 15:46 |
| Author: | SusieQ#1 |
| parents that graduated from high school, or never
graduated, are afraid their children that go to college/university are going
to be smarter than them, and that scares them. In my Christian home, growing up in the 40's-50's, college was not promoted. Women did not go to college, at least, not often. But I did! What do you want to go to college for, I was asked? They didn't see a need for a female to go to college. The males didn't go to college either. |
| Subject: | Me too! My mother was suspicious of higher education |
| Date: | Jun 16 17:10 |
| Author: | SisterExMo |
| And what use was it for girls anyway? I went to college after marriage and two children, and took a degree in Geology.. that really blew her mind!! |
| Subject: | Re: Are you a dangerous person in your family? |
| Date: | Jun 13 17:18 |
| Author: | sherv |
| Yes, I too think it is weird how a parent thinks this child's testimony is so fragile. Did she not bring her up right? Did she slip up and allow her to stay home instead of going to some of the teen stuff? Did she let her sleep in some Sundays? If she is so worried, then she should sit beside her at school to protect her there too. She is paranoid this child will start to lose THE PARENT'S belief system. This is not about your sister....it is about your MOM. She msut be having to sit through some long lectures about you and your home. Very sad. And sad she won't be with you. How great that would have been. Just hope with a bit more maturity she will find another way to get out from your mom's apron strings. |
| Subject: | this is very upsetting- |
| Date: | Jun 13 17:42 |
| Author: | marm |
| I understand how you feel about your mom being all
nice to your face and then talking bad about you behind your back to your
sister to undermine you. My parents are really nice and civil to me, but I
know they speak about me to my younger siblings as a bad influence and tell
them to not talk to me about certain things. But I'm even more upset about how your parents are not encouraging college for your sister, and not letting her make this decision for herself. It makes me sad that your sister may never go to college because she is afraid to lose her testimony if she ever leaves home. That is so tragic. |
| Subject: | I'm sorry. |
| Date: | Jun 13 17:58 |
| Author: | Summer |
| You might try talking to your sister about the need to
develop a trade or profession in case she ever needs to support herself.
Talk to her about how divorce happens even in Mormon families, and about how
many husbands lost their jobs in the current recession. Maybe you could get
through to her. Encourage her to go to a trade school, community college or BYU, etc. when the time comes. Sometimes just starting school or leaving home is a step in the right direction. |
| Subject: | I think they fear with good reason. |
| Date: | Jun 13 18:08 |
| Author: | Gullible's Travel's |
| Your mom knows the church is on shaky ground, she
feels it herself. It's like she's projecting the fear she has of her own
waning testimony to the offer you made to your sister. TSCC can't possibly
be the source of the problem, so it must be the apostate child. My SIL has cut off contact and forbidden us to ever see or speak to her 5 kids again. Some of these kids are in their 20's. Nothing makes for crazy like the cult of josephsmyth. |
| Subject: | You might want to refer to it as "trash talking." |
| Date: | Jun 13 18:14 |
| Author: | Makurosu |
| When it comes up, talk about how members of your
family are trash talking you, because that's apparently what their church
tells them to do. Or because they're so insecure about their own faith that
they need to tear down other people to feel good about themselves. I would turn that crap right back onto them. That's just uncalled for, and you should fight back. |
| Subject: | Everyone who wonders if LDS is a cult, should read your post! Cult, cult, cult! |
| Date: | Jun 13 19:15 |
| Author: | forestpal |
| And the Mormons claim that it's all about "The
Family." The Family--is the cult's greatest weapon. Your family is so brainwashed, that they don't even know they are acting as well-olied tools of the cult. They are imprisoning your sister under cult control--even at the sacrifice of her future livelihood and happiness! This is all very sick, and you need to sometimes congratulate yourself for saving yourself, your husband (if you have one) and your future children from being snatched by an evil cult. I know it hurts. Probably most of us here on RFM have been shunned and even disowned by our TBM families, in some way. I was still a faithful Mormon, when my family shunned me for getting divorced. My ex inlaws disinherited my children, beceuase they were not "BIC" and in the grandparent's "forever" family. Everyone knew the divorce was my ex's fault, but they blamed me anyway. Mormons like to blame the woman. Always like to blame the victim. Anyway, what I'm saying is that there is very little you can do to vindicate yourself in your family's eyes, at this point. There is also very little you can do to fight a lifetime of brainwashing by a slick, Madison Avenue advertised, "heart-sell" PR, family hostage holding, gang-like, secret fraternity Priesthood-run CULT! You seem to be doing very well on your own! That said, I understand that you want to help your sister. Perhaps you need to lose the battles, in order to win the war. When you are overwhelmed, you need to divide and conquer, and focus in on the most important task. Try to put Mormonism in its place--and it has no place in your home or in your sister's education. I tell my TBM family that I don't want to talk about religion. Mormonism is so tiny--it represents less than 1% of the population--and you can not allow it to "loom large" in your family relationships. Yes, you must become thick-skinned. Thinking about your sister will give you strength. You do need to stand up for yourself, when you hear trash talk about you, like Makorusu said, and say things like. "Owch. That hurt my feelings." Read a book on assertiveness training. As for what is said behind your back, there is not much you can do about that. I'm not one to give much advice with your family, because on a closer look in the light of day, I realized that my family was very dysfunctional and abusive, and I needed to leave, and protect my children. We have very little contact, now. Remember how you were with your aunt, who you wanted to go life with. When you got to know her, you found out that she and her partner were very nice people. You found out yourself, that much of what your mother told you about her and what the cult told you about gay people--were lies! Your sister will find out the truth for herself, if you don't attack their religion and you don't attack the family, and if you are patient. The poster is correct, who said this is mostly about your mother. Your mother might be afraid your sister will find out she lied about you--that you are a good soul, and even happier than the rest of the women! Yikes! You really are a "dangerous person"! WTG! All of us apostates are dangerous when life goes well for us, and we become happier and happier, after we escape from the cult. The Mormons really resent our successes. What could you do to win your mother's heart? Fail? Come crawling home? Your sister knows how to please your mother--by staying home, working at the local Kohl's, and searching for a husband in the single's ward. Maybe you could put things in writing. Write up a contract: --You and members of your household will not bring up the subject of religion (a relief for you, also) --Babysis will go to the singles ward nearby every Sunday. Give the address and meeting time. (MAKE her go, while the rest of you do something very fun, without her.) --Babysis will participate in all organized ward activities, including the Pioneer Trek, the Saturday Night Dances, welfare canning, cleaning the ward house, etc. --You will be sure Babysis "magnifies her callings." --You will inspect Babysis's clothes, to be sure they fit Mormon dress codes. --At mealtimes, you will have a "moment of silent prayer," while Babysis prays to herself over her food (and you pray silently to God or whoever you believe in, or you take a few deep breaths to rest a moment.) --There will be no drugs, alcohol, or firearms in the home. (You might have to put a locked liquor cabinet in the garage, or just go out for your drinks.) --No boys overnight. No boys in her bedroom. --No porn. The computer will be in an open area, and supervised. --Have an open door policy, that your mother or anyone else can drop by for an inspection. I've stated things a bit harshly, but you get the general idea. With a written agreement, your mother might be satisfied with just a little control, instead of complete control. Compliment your mother on her "faithfulness" and reassure her that she did a great job of indoctrinating your sister with that same conviction of testimony. "Raise up a child in the way he should go, and he shall not depart from it." Your mother is very insecure! Tell your mother about the ADVANTAGES of Babysis staying at your house instead of at a dorm or an apartment with friends: 1. You already know what the Mormon standards are! 2. You have good sense, and authority over your sister. 3. Your sister is too young and inexperienced to be on her own just yet. Believe me, I've lived in the "supervised" dorms at BYU, and what goes on there would give your mother a heart attack! Don't let the Mormon cult get in the way! Just try to shelve it. Your sister and her education is the subject, and STICK TO THE SUBJECT! (Who am I to give you that advice--ha-ha!) Hang in there, and keep your eye on the prize. You are a great sister! |
| Subject: | Re: Everyone who wonders if LDS is a cult, should read your post! Cult, cult, cult! |
| Date: | Jun 13 19:27 |
| Author: | Stillanon |
| WOW. I lurk & sometimes post. forestpal- that was a consice & powerful message of advice. You offer a clear, rational & conflict defusing solution. Get rid of Dr. Phil. I'm with Dr. forestpal. You rock! |
| Subject: | You are so right about so many things |
| Date: | Jun 16 13:11 |
| Author: | How the west was won and where it got us |
| But I don't think we can fight for this one. I didn't
know the level to which my mother was freaked out by us and she has really
done a number on my sister. After speaking with my mother again, I realize
that our apostasy has been much more traumatic and upsetting for my family
than they have let on. I think repairing the divide will be a much
longer-term project than I initially thought. In my mind, I figured that things had to be harder emotionally on the apostate child than the faithful family and I assumed that if I was able to get over it, they would too. I was wrong, and I think I understand a little better now that in leaving the church I had the opportunity to grow up and that left me more equipped, mentally and emotionally, to deal with family-drama and upsetting things in general. My family that is still in the church doesn't have that advantage, so it makes sense that this would be more troubling to them. They've got the emotional and social maturity of children-- and I don't say that to be unkind, it's just true. Right now, my strategy is to help my mother do the right thing as a parent and get babysis in school period-- I don't care where, as long as it's a decent institution. I've been on the phone with my mother every day giving her information and I've made her a checklist of things to do. and I've been making calls and doing internet research to help out. I just hope that we can maintain a good enough relationship so that they continue to accept at least some of my help and we can stay focused on what is of most importance in all of this, which I take to be my sister's education. |
| Subject: | then I guess Baptist is a cult too, and every religion that |
| Date: | Jun 16 17:17 |
| Author: | BadGirl |
| thinks they are right and all others are wrong. Yes, they will consider you a danger to their children if you disagree with their indoctrinating ideas. |
| Subject: | Leaving a cult is tough |
| Date: | Jun 13 21:40 |
| Author: | Mårv Fråndsen |
| The hit on family relationships is definitely one of
the hardest issues. Yes, Mormons are horribly insecure about their beliefs.
At some level they know they are in a bubble that is fragile and can be
breached by logic and evidence at any time, and that logic and evidence are
indeed contrary to their beliefs. So yes, they are scared of any possible
dangers to their 'testimony.' It sounds like Original Poster is doing about the best one could hope for. Wonderful specific advice from forestpal. Go forth and do your best, it is all you can do. |
| Subject: | m/b they should say: " go forth & replicate" not go forth & multiply |
| Date: | Jun 13 22:15 |
| Author: | Ruth |
| it seems like, insecuring, that you might give advice
which improves on or changes a family members' life. Recall the old
statement: "misery loves company" or how personal appilcations of the golden
rule- wouldn't make everybody else happy because we all want different
things actually. I invited someone who'd been college prep but was working at a gas station in another state to live with us- this was a cousin. As my husband & I are HS teachers, & have navigated 2 daughters through both HS, & college I guessed I could simply fold an age mate peer, who looked just like my own kids- in- drop them off at college or get thema bus pass & voila! college graduate! NOT! The mama did not feel secure enough in us, spouse & I, he who had rebelled & been mormon, myself raised not like her- so. . .although her kid wanted to live here, was on the internet & phone daily for a while with her cousins- she sent her kid to another relative, her own sister- in a very big city. what happened to the kid? pregnant by a city man no body knows now, home to cna NOT college NOT making it working graveyards living very very poor unsupported. but grandma's happy. I am thinking having someone visit where people actually graudate from school, (2/3 of my siblings graduated, one of my adopted parents graduated, 5/6 of my spouse's siblings graduated, one of my spouses' parents graduated- from college)- really really challenged her point of reality somehow- so she set up her kid & sent her where her- point of view of what life is about now- would be instigated. in this case by her own sister. So in this family, in another state, 0 out of 3 have graduated from any college degree program; one danced for a while during a rebellion, now works at a supermarket instead & got married; one is a single mother never married thanks to her semester in the CA city working graveyards as a CNA with loans to pay; the other maybe rehab will take lets hope so. These are clearly outcomes your parental unit wants to avoid. I am just saying working part time or getting a minimum wage job in this economy is no guarantee of comfort & marital stability- no matter how stupid or submissive you act you can't duck under a rock or act more submissive by being "down" or "low" or "lesser"- what if your spouse is unemployed? or whatever? how much lower do you have to act to enact being 'submissive' a spouse enough? to satisfy this kind of a mom? people want their kids to replicate their lives I guess. if people are not thinking about the parts of life they want to change, or improve on, or wishing wishes on a star that someone would rescue if not them then the next generation- - - but they would have to be dis satisfied or self aware of their dis satisfaction with some aspect of life. How many people are self aware? Maybe you could start there. In the mean time- when ever it appears (that stare in their eyes) unable to say I am impressed by you - the new improved version of me- I can't possibly say how impossibly impressed I am by you- you are the best in me- you are my best mini me I see- You YOU YOU oh you. I am proud of you- impossibly. impossibly. impossibly proud you see. meanwhile hear them say: replicate my life go forth and replicate duplicate duplicate replicate LOL just know where ever it is you go, that actually you are the new and improved version down one generation of that mother ^& me. |
| Subject: | Sometimes the biggest threat of all is the exmo who |
| Date: | Jun 14 04:05 |
| Author: | imaworkinonit |
| is educated and happy. No matter what you do, you are a threat to her testimony. If you bring up disturbing truths about the church, or don't follow all the rules then you are evil and dangerous. She can't witness people who don't practice Mormonism, it would shake her to the core <sarcasm alert>. On the other hand, if you say nothing about the church and just live a good life, then perhaps you are even MORE dangerous. That in itself is shocking to LDS people. I've seen the looks on their faces when they asked how my husband and I are, and they look perplexed or frustrated when we are doing well. It makes NO sense to them. I have a neice who started questioning the church because her non-mormon roommates were great people that she admired. THAT rocked her assumptions. She's out of the church, now. So . . . like I said . . . you ARE dangerous, from an LDS perspective. And living at your place would be like a breath of fresh air, and fresh air is BAD for testimonies. Remember the Hypoxia thread? (I'd link it, but that isn't working right tonight) |
| Subject: | Excellent post. I hadn't quite thought of it like that, but yes, |
| Date: | Jun 14 13:18 |
| Author: | Heresy |
| the same thing happened to me 40 years ago. Wow. It
made sense to me back then, I never questioned it. Read Forestpal's reply about 10 times, there is that much in it. Drop the church from all conversations, concentrate on getting your sister a future and help her see your path. I know now that the thing that made it possible to leave was my apostate grandparents, even though they were forbidden from ever discussing it. You can be a role model too. Good luck! |
| Subject: | Wow, join the club, that sounds exactly like me and my |
| Date: | Jun 14 13:28 |
| Author: | BadGirl |
| evangelical Xian relatives! I had thought we were agreeing to disagree also, until I found out they had been talking negatively about me to my niece and nephew. Sad. |
| Subject: | some reasons for hoping |
| Date: | Jun 16 12:59 |
| Author: | How the west was won and where it got us |
| Thank you everyone for the support. I think more than
anything I just needed to be understood and this is probably the only place
where that's going to happen for me right now. I think that whatever my mother is forced to think about me in virtue of her beliefs, she is clearly unwilling to fully commit to it. She is torn between thinking badly of me and being cautious about my influence while knowing and acknowledging that I'm not a bad person and that she has nothing to accuse me of. I wish, for her sake, that she could tease out the inconsistencies in her beliefs about me, but maybe she's not emotionally ready to deal with that right now. The good news is that as part of the Mormon-manipulation machinations of my family, my parents have now agreed to let babysis stay at home with them and are giving her more reasons to prefer that over coming to stay with us-- including increased attention to her college prospects. My mother called me yesterday to ask for advice on entrance examinations, admissions requirements, and what schools babysis should apply to locally there. They've agreed to help her with transportation and they're committed to making sure that a lack of real educational opportunities doesn't send her running to our door. So, Babysis isn't getting the free ride and sweet deal we offered, but we've upped the ante so that my parents are more invested in her education. I've got some reasonable skepticism that things will fall apart once they get overwhelmed, but I'm not going to stay out of it just because she's not coming to stay with us. I've offered my long-distance support and Babysis is going to come stay with us a for a few days next month and we're going to tour the campus just so she has something to compare other opportunities too. I keep reminding myself that I had it worse than she did in terms of being ill-prepared for the real world, and I still eventually found myself (mostly in virtue of pursuing an education). If she can avoid early marriage, I think she'll have a good shot at having something of her own life. Maybe she'll still be a Mormon when it all comes out in the wash, but at least she won't be living in such extreme ignorance and disadvantage. Thanks again everyone-- knowing that there are people who can relate and see what is wrong with this situation just helps me feel a little better about it. It's going to be a while before I get over the mama-drama aspect of it, but I guess some things just take time. |
| Subject: | Re: some reasons for hoping --- Thanks for that update. Often a little more communication and a |
| Date: | Jun 16 15:43 |
| Author: | SusieQ#1 |
| little less drama goes a long way to resolving family
problems. You persevered and have made a Herculaneum effort to understand
all the elements in the situation. Mothers and daughters have a relationship that often survives the grave. I still hear my mother talking to me (sometimes supporting, sometimes chastising) and she has been gone for over 25 years! In my case, I had two mothers: my mother and her mother raised me. (I wouldn't wish two mothers on anyone!) It was extremely difficult, growing up. But, I survived and now can appreciate both of them so much more. We each have very complicated dynamics in our families. I'm grateful for the Internet and the ability to share and to read other people's plights. I learn so much! |
Related Topics on Leaving Mormonism
|
Recovery from Mormonism - The Mormon Church www.exmormon.org |