Why I am a Better Mother (Now That I’m Not a Mormon)

I’ve read several of the posts about staying in the Church because it’s better for raising children, so I thought I’d give you my perspective. I have two sons and two daughters, now ages 16-24. I started my journey out of the Church six years ago, and have been completely “out” for the last three. Not all of my children understand or appreciate the changes I’ve made---but I have hope that someday all of them will.

1. I can accept and value my children for who they really are, not who I want or need them to be. They can live their lives according to what they want---not according to someone else’s one-size-fits-all “divine plan.”

2. I can teach my children to have confidence in themselves and their own thoughts, feelings, desires, and ideas---that they are inherently good and they can trust themselves.

3. I can encourage my children to follow their own inner voice and do what is right for them.

4.I can really listen to them without trying to convince them that my ideas---or any other “authority’s”---are right, and I can offer them guidance because I have listened.

5. I can model for my children the thoughtful development of my own understanding of God and a moral code, and encourage them to do the same.

6. I can allow them to make their own choices and decisions---and also allow them to take the responsibility for them.

7. I can allow them to make mistakes without shaming them for them. I can discuss the choices they have made, their results, and the reasons they may want to make a different choice in the future.

8. I don’t have to feel shame about the mistakes my children make---or worry about what others’ will think of me.

9. I can openly discuss sexuality with my children and talk about how to responsibly and joyfully express this essential element of their humanity—with emphasis on the joy.

10. I can spend more relaxed time with my children doing things we all enjoy because I’m not rushing off to meetings, stressed out over my church calling, or trying to force them to go to church.

11. I can teach my children to value the inherit dignity and worth of every human being, regardless of their race, religion, gender, or choice of partner.

12. I can give my children an example of a strong, independent, woman who owns her personal authority and is learning to express her individuality, and who supports them in doing the same.

13. I can enjoy my children for the unique, marvelous human beings they are, with reverence and gratitude for the opportunity to be their mother.