What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?

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  • user warning: Table './exmo_08072012/cache_filter' is marked as crashed and should be repaired query: UPDATE cache_filter SET data = '<p>derrida July 2012</p>\n<p>You can lose your family. But isn\'t that true of all religions?</p>\n<p>Shunning. You can be shunned. But all religious communities do that, right?</p>\n<p>The LDS church uses fear indoctrination so that you are afraid to leave on pain of being shunned, losing your family, losing your soul, losing your God, losing your blessings, losing your job, losing your reputation, your standing in the community. But don\'t all religions engage in shunning to the same degree? Or, the apologist just says that the LDS church does not shun disaffected members.</p>\n<p>Any other exit costs to Mormonism? And how are those exit costs any different than any other religion?</p>\n<hr />\nBrother Of Jerry<br />\n\"Don\'t all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?\" NO. Same answer for the other questions.<br />\nIf you leave LDS Inc, you will get old and die and not go to Mormon heaven. And if you leave the Catholic church, you will get old and die and not go to Catholic heaven. so that \"cost\" is identical.\n<p>What exactly are you trying to say? There is no difference from leaving Mormonism versus any other religion? That\'s preposterous, and other posters already have a trademark on that idea. They might sue. Best be careful. :)</p>\n<hr />\nlbenni<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nthere are NO EXIT COSTS...just make a new family of friends..that is what I have done..I go to the YMCA every day except sunday and on sundays I sleep in\n<p>The TBM [true believing mormons] were never your friends to begin with</p>\n<p>I have a great life and NO SHUNNING..</p>\n<hr />\nlbenni<br />\nRe: \"Don\'t all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?\" NO. Same answer for the other questions.<br />\nbe careful, BOJ...last time I asked \" What are you trying to say?\"...I got attacked on this board..\n<hr />\nbc<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nI think part of the difference is that the indoctrination against leaving is stronger in the Mormon church.\n<p>There is the doctrine of outer darkness which essentially applies to apostates.</p>\n<p>There is the ongoing indoctrination that if you loose your testimony it is because something is wrong with you.</p>\n<p>The social structure of the church is tighter with the ward concept and so much revolving around the ward - so much of your life and so many hours. This is especially true in Utah.</p>\n<p>So much of your identity is wrapped up with the LDS church &amp; the LDS church designs it that way.</p>\n<p>I imagine the psychological toll exists for many religions and is even greater for other religions (e.g. Judaism, Islam). However, I would submit that the psychological conditioning against leaving is higher for Mormonism that your standard mainstream Christian American religion.</p>\n<hr />\nflo, the nevermo<br />\nRe: \"Don\'t all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?\" Did OP ask this sarcastically maybe?.&nbsp;\n<hr />\n<p>toto<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nWhen I left the Lutheran Church to join the Mormons, I wasn\'t:</p>\n<p>1. asked to meet with my pastor to discuss my Lutheran confirmation promise I made as a teenager,</p>\n<p>2. shunned by Lutheran/Catholic family and Lutheran/Catholic/Episcopal/Presbyterian/Jewish friends who thought I\'d gone crazy but loved me still, and</p>\n<p>3. repeatedly, over the 13-year period that I was Mormon, contacted me every time I moved and/or placed my name on the membership roles of a current Lutheran congregation.</p>\n<p>In contrast, when I left the Mormon Church, I was:</p>\n<p>1. asked to meet with a bishop/visiting teachers/home teachers/RS presidency in each ward I moved into to discuss my faith,</p>\n<p>2. shunned by Mormon family (married into) and Mormon friends who thought I\'d gone crazy and didn\'t still love me, and</p>\n<p>3. repeatedly, over the almost two decades since leaving the Mormon Church, contacted me every time I moved and placed my name on membership roles of a particular ward (even though I resigned).</p>\n<hr />\nkristine<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nToTo, are you Lutheran again, were you Missouri Synod or ELCA. I am ELCA and love it.\n<hr />\ncl2<br />\nI was at Wal-Mart the other day and stopped to<br />\nlook at their clearance sales out front. This couple walked by me--and I won\'t go into how they looked, but they looked like what I THOUGHT I would look like if I left mormonism. How many people actually look like or live like we were taught we would live if we left?\n<hr />\n<p>anagrammy<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nMormonism is one of only two subcultures in America. The Amish is the other one. Scientology isn\'t one.</p>\n<p>Your question hits exactly on this point. Because Mormonism is a subculture, you lose your place in the community as well as leaving your place in the church. They are welded together. Mormonism presents it\'s lifestyle as part of the attraction of joining the LDS church. In fact, it is one of the chief enforcers of their fanatical War Against Evil (evil being designed as whatever they say it is).</p>\n<p>When you leave Catholicism, everyone in your city doesn\'t know. You will not be stared at in the grocery store, even if it is a small town. People join and leave Catholicism all the time. They don\'t even keep accurate records any more.</p>\n<p>Your children do not inherit your sin and are not punished by you deciding not to be Jewish. No one throws rocks at them (like Mormons did to my kids). Islam is another story--I don\'t know anything about American Islam practices on leaving.</p>\n<p>So the answer to your question is that it is psychologically harder to leave Mormonism than Scientology. If you are harassed by sea org, you will have belief and sympathy from everyone in your community. If you are harassed by Mormons in a Mormon community, your persecutors will have community support instead of you and your children will be targeted. There is no mercy for anyone. Your husband may lose his job, you may lose yours. Your dog may be killed (like mine was).</p>\n<p>Anagrammy</p>\n<hr />\ntoto<br />\nHi, kristine.<br />\nIn my youth I was confirmed in the ELCA although I was baptized in the Missouri Synod (we moved from one area in my childhood to another and so my confirmation was in a different congregation). I fully participated as a youth and young adult until I moved and then joined the morg.\n<p>Shortly after leaving the Mormon Church, I lost my belief in Christ as well. I went church shopping since I had young children being raised in Salt Lake and I wanted them to have a faith to fall back on when approached by their Mormon friends. I found the Unitarian Church and became a \"friend\" of their church (never joined). Funny, when I joined them, I told them about my religious past and they didn\'t consider me a former Mormon as much as a former Lutheran because I was Lutheran far longer than I was Mormon. The Mormons didn\'t think that, though, as they\'ve stalked me far longer than the years I spent as a member. Oh, and when approached by their Mormon friends to go to church, my kids would say, \"We\'ll go to your church if you come to ours the next week.\" They were never taken up on the offer.</p>\n<p>I\'m glad you love the ELCA; I have fond memories of my times in that church while growing up. Thanks for asking.</p>\n<hr />\n<p>Strykary<br />\nYou make it sound like it\'s so easy to lose your family and friends</p>\n<hr />\n<p>derrida<br />\nRe: \"Don\'t all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?\" Did OP ask this sarcastically maybe?.<br />\nOP is opening a question, anticipating the standard apologetic lines of defense in hopes that others who address the initial question with a vigorous list will also make the effort to meet the standard apologetic objections before the board\'s self-appointed minders of fairness to Mormonism have a chance to wax stupid and apologetic about the LDS church\'s exit costs, which they will claim are non-existent or paltry, isolated instances, or SOP for all religions, all religions being equal in their exit costs don\'t you know.</p>\n<hr />\ndeconverted2010<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nReligions that seem to shun are those that tend to be very controling, like JW, Muslism and Mormons. The Protestants and Catholics seem to leave people alone more.\n<p>The stories of shunning I read here usually take me one incident I had with two Jehova Witness about 25 years ago; which make me think the two religions are similar in that people are loved as long as they follow the path, otherwise they are seen as unworthy.</p>\n<p>It happened many years ago, before I converted to mormonism. Two Jehova Witnesses ladies found me and were talking to me about their church - they were the people that go around trying to spread their message. As we were talking I mentioned an incident that had been in the news a lot over the previous couple of weeks. There was a man who was found dead and nobody claimed his body. No family nor friends. It seemed he had been disowned. The man, the news said, was a Jehova Witness but the JW didn\'t want anything to do with him either. As I mentioned this to these two ladies they said the man was not a Jehova Witness, really? I - asked - because it\'s all over the news, why would someone make that up. One of the ladies tried to explain that he had been part of the Jehova Witnesses but was not really involved or practising anymore and therefore they didn\'t consider him a member. They did mention that JW were very good at caring for their own. My jaw must have dropped and my face probably said it all, the man had been disowned not only by his family but also by his church. I didn\'t say a word, I couldn\'t, I just knew this people were not good Samaritans. The lady missionaries got the message, I never saw them again.</p>\n<hr />\nderrida<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nThank you.\n<hr />\n<p>flo, the nevermo<br />\nvery well. carry on! :</p>\n<hr />\n<p>Mia<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nMost families either shun or work overtime shaming and trying to drag you back in. There\'s a lot of former friends/family that are gossiping about you. There is a spy network in place, and they use it. They will try to use your kids to get to you. They drop in unannounced.</p>\n<p>They lie in wait for your life to fall apart so they can say \'I told you so.\' If your life is entwined in mormonism with your job, schooling, housing, marriage, you will suffer, they will make sure of that. Then they will tell you that the only way you can be happy is to be a full fledged mormon.</p>\n<hr />\n<p>liminal state<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nWow, your response is making it finally sink for me how much their whole system is like a cult.</p>\n<p>Either that, or just a bunch of people still stuck in junior high.</p>\n<p>Amazes me the more I really look at their religion and culture.</p>\n<hr />\ndogeatdog<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nHaving grown up Lutheran and converting to mormonism, when strayed from the church I grew up in, I did not have any of these issues: \"The LDS church uses fear indoctrination so that you are afraid to leave on pain of being shunned, losing your family, losing your soul, losing your God, losing your blessings, losing your job, losing your reputation, your standing in the community.\"<br />\nSo, I would say, no, not all religions have the same consequences as TSCC. My only issue was that my parents were disappointed, but more just concerned about mormonism than wanting me to stay Lutheran.\n<hr />\nrationalguy<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nAn example: My ex-wife and her husband confided in me.. They are very disgruntled with the church and it\'s obvious that they no longer believe. We shared in a conversation how we had grown away from Mormonism. Then my ex-wife said; \"Please, please don\'t tell any of the kids or grand kids about this conversation! It would be horrible for them to know!!\"\n<p>It\'s an earth-shaking event when someone loses faith in it. The main reason is that \"We won\'t be together as a family because of you.\"</p>\n<hr />\nLevi<br />\nRe: You make it sound like it\'s so easy to lose your family and friends<br />\nThe ones that I had were worth losing.\n<p>If the only reason that they are your friend is because you both happen to go to the same building on Sundays.....not a solid quality friend IMO.</p>\n<p>Family - yes. I haven\'t spoken to mine for years. Now, this is not true for the majority of people out there, but IMO they are in the same group as above. They are the ones that chose to leave me. They turned their back because we have different views of the mormon church. Good riddance to them. Life is too short for me to worry about cousins, aunts &amp; uncles. It is easier for me as both parents are dead now and my 4 older brothers were never really close to start with.</p>\n<p>But can you believe that people actually are that pig headed that they are willing to do that? Honestly, it is their loss.</p>\n<p>The people that are in my life now are of a far higher caliber than ever before.</p>\n<hr />\nBrother Of Jerry<br />\nMissouri Synod is still ticked that services aren\'t in German. Now that\'s seriously conservative bunch. :)&nbsp;\n<hr />\n<p>The Man in Black<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\n\"It\'s okay because other people are doing it\" is a basic logical fallacy that warrants no response other than to name the fallacy.</p>\n<hr />\nnickerickson<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nThere are no cost, you actually make 10% more.\n<p>Maybe family and friends, but hell, family and friends are known to leave you for numerous reasons, religion just being one of them. And, if your friend is only your friend because you go to church, they are not a friend. Family is the same, conditional love is bull****.</p>\n<p>So, you gain, not lose....</p>\n<hr />\npartymxman<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nJW\'s definitely do shun.\n<p>I was raised as one \'til I turned 22 and finally had enough and decided to live.</p>\n<p>As a JW, you\'re already not allowed to talk to anyone unless they are JW or you are preaching to a non member. So when I left, I was considered dead.</p>\n<p>I had seen the shunning when I was younger. I tried to say hi to a woman I recognized as an family friend, but was yanked away. Then I noticed the dozens of JWs walking by her as if she was invisible as she stood there crying. It was heart wrenching.</p>\n<p>It\'s a cruel thing to do. It\'s cruel to break up family. Unfortunately for me, most of my Mother\'s family has been and still is JW.</p>\n<p>While I was Mormon, I was shocked when I was given a list of families the church wanted me to keep track of and befriend. I didn\'t like that, but it made us realize we were likely on other peoples lists. I of course didn\'t follow my \"list.\" I only make friends with people in earnest or not at all. It made us wonder if any of the people coming over regularly were really friends. Now that we are both out, are we clear who our real friends are.</p>\n<hr />\nforestpal<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nI have known Christians from various religions, and most of them have changed religions several times, with no ill effects. One family thought their church was becoming too crowded, one Methodist family had more friends who went to the Presbyterian church. Some friends of mine recently moved, and their pastor recommended a good congregation in the new town--of a different denomination--but the new pastor was excellent. Some families have become less conservative, and have switched from Catholic to Episcopalian, or Missouri Synod to Evangelical Lutheran. These changes were considered to be minor and inconsequential, and not worth mentioning, except that they brought up the subject with me, after looking into Mormonism (and rejecting it, of course.) They would send their children to summer Bible school at another church, or a private Lutheran school, when they were not Lutheran. My boys, and boys of other religions, were in a Scout troop sponsored by a coalition of several Christian religions in the community. I\'m doing charity work right now for this group, and no one cares what church I belong to. (Not a member of any church, right now)\n<p>My experiences within Mormonism were so bad, that leaving was a very positive step, for me and my children. We had very little \"exit cost.\" Our harshest treatment happened while we were TBM\'s, and not after we left. The true friends and family members who loved us came trickling back.</p>\n<p>No, it is not easy to lose family members and friends. But, in time, I realized that we are better off without the bullies, liars and thieves in our life. We have broken the cycle of abuse in our family!</p>\n<hr />\nderrida<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nNice point.\n<hr />\n<p>dk<br />\nI\'m sorry someone killed your dog.</p>\n<hr />\n<p>The Man in Black<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nAlso that probably sounded more hostile than I meant it, I like your posts.</p>\n<hr />\nBrethren,adieu<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nFor those of us with TBM spouses, it could cost us half our income and the house.\n<hr />\n<p>lilygeorge<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nMaybe this is for the benefit of the Utah Mormons who do not have big communities of other religions but for sure most Christian religions at least -- including Catholicism -- do not shun if you leave. You can go from Methodist to Episcopalian to nothing and no one is going to snub you. You can be a lapsed Catholic and you can still get an invite to the wedding. But then again you can read an anti Catholic book as a Catholic and the priests won\'t excommunicate you for doing so.</p>\n<p>Not to presume but I bet you can even be a Jewish atheist and you will still be invited to the nephew\'s barmitzvah.</p>\n<p>Maybe some of this is due to the fact that most Christians (and yes I know there is hypocrisy, duh) have been taught they are all imperfect and no one is going to lose their ticket to perfection by associating with another sinner since ultimately everyone is on the same level. But if perfection is one of the goals you have listed in your day-timer this week you won\'t get there making eye contact with an apostate at the local Walmart.</p>\n<p>JW\'s are a whole nother animal - they have more in common with Mormonism as far as their insularity and dare I say \"cultishness\" so it makes sense snubbing is common with them too.</p>\n<hr />\nsummer<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nShunning or losing your family for leaving are not part of the cultures of the Catholic or mainstream Protestant churches. Such instances would be very rare indeed.\n<p>Both my brother and I consider ourselves to be former Catholics. This has not impacted our family relationships, our friendships, or our business/work associations in the slightest. In fact, it is usually the opposite -- Catholics will recognize that you have a commonality with them and will tend to accept you as a member of the \"family,\" even if you\'ve left it behind (everyone has a story about the nuns!) The Catholics that I\'ve known fully understand the problems with the church and why someone would leave. They don\'t consider those who leave to be evil people or people who are in the grip of Satan. They consider them to be decent human beings who simply made another choice.</p>\n<p>In modern culture, it is considered to be perfectly okay to change your denomination. It is not a big deal. Growing up, my church had exchange services with other churches. I was a member of a Lutheran sponsored Girl Scout troop. A cousin remarried in a Lutheran church. My family was friends with families of varied faiths. Under these circumstances, shunning wouldn\'t make a lot of sense.</p>\n<hr />\nGlo<br />\nRe: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?<br />\nI never heard of Catholics being shunned or punished for moving into another faith.\n<p>The Catholic church has no system in place to track its members.<br />\nPeople either show up or they don\'t, it\'s their choice.</p>\n<p>I think many ex-Mormons simply are not familiar with the way mainstream churches operate.<br />\nThe difference between them and Mormonism is tremendous.</p>\n<p>\"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org\"</p>\n', created = 1490632536, expire = 1490718936, headers = '', serialized = 0 WHERE cid = '2:b61e81ce2a3c4cc4d746f44e77176562' in /home/exmormon/public_html/d6/drupal/includes/cache.inc on line 112.

derrida July 2012

You can lose your family. But isn't that true of all religions?

Shunning. You can be shunned. But all religious communities do that, right?

The LDS church uses fear indoctrination so that you are afraid to leave on pain of being shunned, losing your family, losing your soul, losing your God, losing your blessings, losing your job, losing your reputation, your standing in the community. But don't all religions engage in shunning to the same degree? Or, the apologist just says that the LDS church does not shun disaffected members.

Any other exit costs to Mormonism? And how are those exit costs any different than any other religion?


Brother Of Jerry
"Don't all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?" NO. Same answer for the other questions.
If you leave LDS Inc, you will get old and die and not go to Mormon heaven. And if you leave the Catholic church, you will get old and die and not go to Catholic heaven. so that "cost" is identical.

What exactly are you trying to say? There is no difference from leaving Mormonism versus any other religion? That's preposterous, and other posters already have a trademark on that idea. They might sue. Best be careful. :)


lbenni
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
there are NO EXIT COSTS...just make a new family of friends..that is what I have done..I go to the YMCA every day except sunday and on sundays I sleep in

The TBM [true believing mormons] were never your friends to begin with

I have a great life and NO SHUNNING..


lbenni
Re: "Don't all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?" NO. Same answer for the other questions.
be careful, BOJ...last time I asked " What are you trying to say?"...I got attacked on this board..
bc
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
I think part of the difference is that the indoctrination against leaving is stronger in the Mormon church.

There is the doctrine of outer darkness which essentially applies to apostates.

There is the ongoing indoctrination that if you loose your testimony it is because something is wrong with you.

The social structure of the church is tighter with the ward concept and so much revolving around the ward - so much of your life and so many hours. This is especially true in Utah.

So much of your identity is wrapped up with the LDS church & the LDS church designs it that way.

I imagine the psychological toll exists for many religions and is even greater for other religions (e.g. Judaism, Islam). However, I would submit that the psychological conditioning against leaving is higher for Mormonism that your standard mainstream Christian American religion.


flo, the nevermo
Re: "Don't all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?" Did OP ask this sarcastically maybe?. 

toto
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
When I left the Lutheran Church to join the Mormons, I wasn't:

1. asked to meet with my pastor to discuss my Lutheran confirmation promise I made as a teenager,

2. shunned by Lutheran/Catholic family and Lutheran/Catholic/Episcopal/Presbyterian/Jewish friends who thought I'd gone crazy but loved me still, and

3. repeatedly, over the 13-year period that I was Mormon, contacted me every time I moved and/or placed my name on the membership roles of a current Lutheran congregation.

In contrast, when I left the Mormon Church, I was:

1. asked to meet with a bishop/visiting teachers/home teachers/RS presidency in each ward I moved into to discuss my faith,

2. shunned by Mormon family (married into) and Mormon friends who thought I'd gone crazy and didn't still love me, and

3. repeatedly, over the almost two decades since leaving the Mormon Church, contacted me every time I moved and placed my name on membership roles of a particular ward (even though I resigned).


kristine
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
ToTo, are you Lutheran again, were you Missouri Synod or ELCA. I am ELCA and love it.
cl2
I was at Wal-Mart the other day and stopped to
look at their clearance sales out front. This couple walked by me--and I won't go into how they looked, but they looked like what I THOUGHT I would look like if I left mormonism. How many people actually look like or live like we were taught we would live if we left?

anagrammy
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Mormonism is one of only two subcultures in America. The Amish is the other one. Scientology isn't one.

Your question hits exactly on this point. Because Mormonism is a subculture, you lose your place in the community as well as leaving your place in the church. They are welded together. Mormonism presents it's lifestyle as part of the attraction of joining the LDS church. In fact, it is one of the chief enforcers of their fanatical War Against Evil (evil being designed as whatever they say it is).

When you leave Catholicism, everyone in your city doesn't know. You will not be stared at in the grocery store, even if it is a small town. People join and leave Catholicism all the time. They don't even keep accurate records any more.

Your children do not inherit your sin and are not punished by you deciding not to be Jewish. No one throws rocks at them (like Mormons did to my kids). Islam is another story--I don't know anything about American Islam practices on leaving.

So the answer to your question is that it is psychologically harder to leave Mormonism than Scientology. If you are harassed by sea org, you will have belief and sympathy from everyone in your community. If you are harassed by Mormons in a Mormon community, your persecutors will have community support instead of you and your children will be targeted. There is no mercy for anyone. Your husband may lose his job, you may lose yours. Your dog may be killed (like mine was).

Anagrammy


toto
Hi, kristine.
In my youth I was confirmed in the ELCA although I was baptized in the Missouri Synod (we moved from one area in my childhood to another and so my confirmation was in a different congregation). I fully participated as a youth and young adult until I moved and then joined the morg.

Shortly after leaving the Mormon Church, I lost my belief in Christ as well. I went church shopping since I had young children being raised in Salt Lake and I wanted them to have a faith to fall back on when approached by their Mormon friends. I found the Unitarian Church and became a "friend" of their church (never joined). Funny, when I joined them, I told them about my religious past and they didn't consider me a former Mormon as much as a former Lutheran because I was Lutheran far longer than I was Mormon. The Mormons didn't think that, though, as they've stalked me far longer than the years I spent as a member. Oh, and when approached by their Mormon friends to go to church, my kids would say, "We'll go to your church if you come to ours the next week." They were never taken up on the offer.

I'm glad you love the ELCA; I have fond memories of my times in that church while growing up. Thanks for asking.


Strykary
You make it sound like it's so easy to lose your family and friends


derrida
Re: "Don't all religions engage in shunning to the same degree?" Did OP ask this sarcastically maybe?.
OP is opening a question, anticipating the standard apologetic lines of defense in hopes that others who address the initial question with a vigorous list will also make the effort to meet the standard apologetic objections before the board's self-appointed minders of fairness to Mormonism have a chance to wax stupid and apologetic about the LDS church's exit costs, which they will claim are non-existent or paltry, isolated instances, or SOP for all religions, all religions being equal in their exit costs don't you know.


deconverted2010
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Religions that seem to shun are those that tend to be very controling, like JW, Muslism and Mormons. The Protestants and Catholics seem to leave people alone more.

The stories of shunning I read here usually take me one incident I had with two Jehova Witness about 25 years ago; which make me think the two religions are similar in that people are loved as long as they follow the path, otherwise they are seen as unworthy.

It happened many years ago, before I converted to mormonism. Two Jehova Witnesses ladies found me and were talking to me about their church - they were the people that go around trying to spread their message. As we were talking I mentioned an incident that had been in the news a lot over the previous couple of weeks. There was a man who was found dead and nobody claimed his body. No family nor friends. It seemed he had been disowned. The man, the news said, was a Jehova Witness but the JW didn't want anything to do with him either. As I mentioned this to these two ladies they said the man was not a Jehova Witness, really? I - asked - because it's all over the news, why would someone make that up. One of the ladies tried to explain that he had been part of the Jehova Witnesses but was not really involved or practising anymore and therefore they didn't consider him a member. They did mention that JW were very good at caring for their own. My jaw must have dropped and my face probably said it all, the man had been disowned not only by his family but also by his church. I didn't say a word, I couldn't, I just knew this people were not good Samaritans. The lady missionaries got the message, I never saw them again.


derrida
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Thank you.

flo, the nevermo
very well. carry on! :


Mia
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Most families either shun or work overtime shaming and trying to drag you back in. There's a lot of former friends/family that are gossiping about you. There is a spy network in place, and they use it. They will try to use your kids to get to you. They drop in unannounced.

They lie in wait for your life to fall apart so they can say 'I told you so.' If your life is entwined in mormonism with your job, schooling, housing, marriage, you will suffer, they will make sure of that. Then they will tell you that the only way you can be happy is to be a full fledged mormon.


liminal state
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Wow, your response is making it finally sink for me how much their whole system is like a cult.

Either that, or just a bunch of people still stuck in junior high.

Amazes me the more I really look at their religion and culture.


dogeatdog
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Having grown up Lutheran and converting to mormonism, when strayed from the church I grew up in, I did not have any of these issues: "The LDS church uses fear indoctrination so that you are afraid to leave on pain of being shunned, losing your family, losing your soul, losing your God, losing your blessings, losing your job, losing your reputation, your standing in the community."
So, I would say, no, not all religions have the same consequences as TSCC. My only issue was that my parents were disappointed, but more just concerned about mormonism than wanting me to stay Lutheran.
rationalguy
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
An example: My ex-wife and her husband confided in me.. They are very disgruntled with the church and it's obvious that they no longer believe. We shared in a conversation how we had grown away from Mormonism. Then my ex-wife said; "Please, please don't tell any of the kids or grand kids about this conversation! It would be horrible for them to know!!"

It's an earth-shaking event when someone loses faith in it. The main reason is that "We won't be together as a family because of you."


Levi
Re: You make it sound like it's so easy to lose your family and friends
The ones that I had were worth losing.

If the only reason that they are your friend is because you both happen to go to the same building on Sundays.....not a solid quality friend IMO.

Family - yes. I haven't spoken to mine for years. Now, this is not true for the majority of people out there, but IMO they are in the same group as above. They are the ones that chose to leave me. They turned their back because we have different views of the mormon church. Good riddance to them. Life is too short for me to worry about cousins, aunts & uncles. It is easier for me as both parents are dead now and my 4 older brothers were never really close to start with.

But can you believe that people actually are that pig headed that they are willing to do that? Honestly, it is their loss.

The people that are in my life now are of a far higher caliber than ever before.


Brother Of Jerry
Missouri Synod is still ticked that services aren't in German. Now that's seriously conservative bunch. :) 

The Man in Black
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
"It's okay because other people are doing it" is a basic logical fallacy that warrants no response other than to name the fallacy.


nickerickson
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
There are no cost, you actually make 10% more.

Maybe family and friends, but hell, family and friends are known to leave you for numerous reasons, religion just being one of them. And, if your friend is only your friend because you go to church, they are not a friend. Family is the same, conditional love is bull****.

So, you gain, not lose....


partymxman
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
JW's definitely do shun.

I was raised as one 'til I turned 22 and finally had enough and decided to live.

As a JW, you're already not allowed to talk to anyone unless they are JW or you are preaching to a non member. So when I left, I was considered dead.

I had seen the shunning when I was younger. I tried to say hi to a woman I recognized as an family friend, but was yanked away. Then I noticed the dozens of JWs walking by her as if she was invisible as she stood there crying. It was heart wrenching.

It's a cruel thing to do. It's cruel to break up family. Unfortunately for me, most of my Mother's family has been and still is JW.

While I was Mormon, I was shocked when I was given a list of families the church wanted me to keep track of and befriend. I didn't like that, but it made us realize we were likely on other peoples lists. I of course didn't follow my "list." I only make friends with people in earnest or not at all. It made us wonder if any of the people coming over regularly were really friends. Now that we are both out, are we clear who our real friends are.


forestpal
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
I have known Christians from various religions, and most of them have changed religions several times, with no ill effects. One family thought their church was becoming too crowded, one Methodist family had more friends who went to the Presbyterian church. Some friends of mine recently moved, and their pastor recommended a good congregation in the new town--of a different denomination--but the new pastor was excellent. Some families have become less conservative, and have switched from Catholic to Episcopalian, or Missouri Synod to Evangelical Lutheran. These changes were considered to be minor and inconsequential, and not worth mentioning, except that they brought up the subject with me, after looking into Mormonism (and rejecting it, of course.) They would send their children to summer Bible school at another church, or a private Lutheran school, when they were not Lutheran. My boys, and boys of other religions, were in a Scout troop sponsored by a coalition of several Christian religions in the community. I'm doing charity work right now for this group, and no one cares what church I belong to. (Not a member of any church, right now)

My experiences within Mormonism were so bad, that leaving was a very positive step, for me and my children. We had very little "exit cost." Our harshest treatment happened while we were TBM's, and not after we left. The true friends and family members who loved us came trickling back.

No, it is not easy to lose family members and friends. But, in time, I realized that we are better off without the bullies, liars and thieves in our life. We have broken the cycle of abuse in our family!


derrida
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Nice point.

dk
I'm sorry someone killed your dog.


The Man in Black
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Also that probably sounded more hostile than I meant it, I like your posts.


Brethren,adieu
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
For those of us with TBM spouses, it could cost us half our income and the house.

lilygeorge
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Maybe this is for the benefit of the Utah Mormons who do not have big communities of other religions but for sure most Christian religions at least -- including Catholicism -- do not shun if you leave. You can go from Methodist to Episcopalian to nothing and no one is going to snub you. You can be a lapsed Catholic and you can still get an invite to the wedding. But then again you can read an anti Catholic book as a Catholic and the priests won't excommunicate you for doing so.

Not to presume but I bet you can even be a Jewish atheist and you will still be invited to the nephew's barmitzvah.

Maybe some of this is due to the fact that most Christians (and yes I know there is hypocrisy, duh) have been taught they are all imperfect and no one is going to lose their ticket to perfection by associating with another sinner since ultimately everyone is on the same level. But if perfection is one of the goals you have listed in your day-timer this week you won't get there making eye contact with an apostate at the local Walmart.

JW's are a whole nother animal - they have more in common with Mormonism as far as their insularity and dare I say "cultishness" so it makes sense snubbing is common with them too.


summer
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
Shunning or losing your family for leaving are not part of the cultures of the Catholic or mainstream Protestant churches. Such instances would be very rare indeed.

Both my brother and I consider ourselves to be former Catholics. This has not impacted our family relationships, our friendships, or our business/work associations in the slightest. In fact, it is usually the opposite -- Catholics will recognize that you have a commonality with them and will tend to accept you as a member of the "family," even if you've left it behind (everyone has a story about the nuns!) The Catholics that I've known fully understand the problems with the church and why someone would leave. They don't consider those who leave to be evil people or people who are in the grip of Satan. They consider them to be decent human beings who simply made another choice.

In modern culture, it is considered to be perfectly okay to change your denomination. It is not a big deal. Growing up, my church had exchange services with other churches. I was a member of a Lutheran sponsored Girl Scout troop. A cousin remarried in a Lutheran church. My family was friends with families of varied faiths. Under these circumstances, shunning wouldn't make a lot of sense.


Glo
Re: What are the exit costs of leaving the LDS church?
I never heard of Catholics being shunned or punished for moving into another faith.

The Catholic church has no system in place to track its members.
People either show up or they don't, it's their choice.

I think many ex-Mormons simply are not familiar with the way mainstream churches operate.
The difference between them and Mormonism is tremendous.

"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"