Stopped wearing garments HELP!
SandyGirl Aug 2012
Make a long story short. My husband is a life long member and so are his parents. I'm a convert ( 2 years). I wanted to go to the temple but no one told me I'd have to wear ugly depressing clothes [after being 'endowed']. Garments make me sad and depressed and i feel oppressed.
My husband went on a mission and wears them, he is a solid member.
I stopped wearing them I don't ever want to put them back on. I feel like cutting them all up before her comes home from work some days.
What do I do?!?! I love him, but I don't know if that is enough, unfortunately. We never really talked about it, he kinda was like hmmm why are you not wearing them? I'm like cause I don't want to, then he comes back so you don't believe or have faith.
There is just a huge elephant in our relationship and I don't know what to do about it. :( He said i needed to go talk to our bishop, I laughed inside and wanted to say HECK to the NO. That's not his problem.... dangg ittt
anoninnv
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
It's rather unfortunate that LDS Inc doesn't disclose this kind of thing earlier. It puts people like you in a really bad spot.
I'd tell your husband exactly what you've said here.
SoCalNevermo
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
It sounds as if you "converted" for your husband and probably never actually believed. Let this be a lesson to others, it's the whole package or get out while you can. There's no middle ground.
xyz
"....no one told me I'd have to wear ugly depressing clothes."
Any one-sided agreement obtained through the use of pretexts is a fraud.
Print this thread out, and show it to your husband:
http://exmormon.org/phorum/read.php?2,596820,596820#msg-596820
nobody
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Tell your husband what you feel and enjoy the consequences of being honest. To do otherwise is perpetuating a lie which is what causes so many problems in the world today. Be open and honest with each other. Do you really want a fake marriage? If so then tell him whatever makes you feel good. I myslef have discovered I don't ever really feel good when I lie. If you feel good about lying to him then keep making stuff up. I pitty you both and those in your world if that is the case.
SandyGirl
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
That's what my husband said, "there is no middle" So i guess I'm out? How do I tell him? like sit him down wait for him to bring it up? He said "we can't raise kids in a divided house" does that mean divorce?
Joe Laban
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Tell your husband how you feel while wearing a red thong and a push-up bra.
breatheagain
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Even if you do or did believe the doctrine or "milk" they taught/gave you that's a completely different dish than what you're served once you join the church.
No, I was never told I was going to have to wear ugly uncomfortable underwear and I don't want to. Thank you very much.
Oh now you tell me that Joseph Smith and Brigham Young had a ridicuous number of wives-- would have been nice to hear that at some point during the lessons I was taught so I could make an INFORMED decision.
It's a con game bait and switch and that anyone would have the balls to say you never actually believed? Please???? believed what?
bc
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
How long have you been married?
Based on your comments I'm guessing you weren't married before you went to the temple? (Otherwise you would have know what you were in for garment wise?)
Here's my opinion:
1) If you are somewhat on the fence of whether or not you believe in the LDS church get off the fence. Do some research and make a firm concrete decision.
Assuming #1 is you don't believe.
2) After you have done #1 it's time to talk to your husband about the elephant - directly state that you don't believe and will not believe. It isn't between you & the bishop - if you meet with the bishop it will be to resign. Don't get into the details of why you don't believe - especially not at first.
3) Talk in detail about how the two of you can/will make your marriage work despite different beliefs.
4) It doesn't sound like you have kids yet. Hold off for at least a couple of years if not more to figure out if this difference in beliefs will allow your marriage to survive.
saviorself
The Mormon Church is actually a CULT
Cults control their members with all manner of arbitrary, unreasonable rules. When the cult gets full control of a member, then that person becomes part of the Cult Police and works hard to make sure all other members are obeying all the rules.
There is absolutely no good reason why a person should let the cult dictate what kind of underwear must be worn. I admire you for standing up for your right to choose your own underwear. If dh has a problem with that, then it is his problem, not yours.
If that causes an irreconcilable rift in the marriage then the marriage did not have a solid foundation to begin with.
xyz
"we can't raise kids in a divided house"
If he already said that then my advice to you is: start taking birth control STAT.
breatheagain
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
ok that's a load of crap, divided only if he makes it divided. He's going to force his religion on you really???
That's Satan's way,at least according to his religion.
bc
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
If his religion is more important to him than you where do you see things going?
It does not necessarily mean divorce. However it may. If your husband can decide that you are more important to him than imposing his beliefs on you it could work - easier said than done.
SandyGirl
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
very very true, I hate living like this and my "sins" hurt him. Id rather see him with a molly mormon that doesn't say crap and does what she is told. And believes in all of this stuff.
I'm not that kinda gal.
Thanks everyone :)
Sandy Girl
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Flipping SEXY!
Im 5'5 and 120lbs and he wants to cover all this hotness up. mmm no
SandyGirl
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
We have been married for a year (almost exactly)
Went through the Temple Last July. seriously? I'm glad I'm not the only one out there. Guess I should tell my parents to clean out a room...yikes!
turnonthelights
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Here are some topics to research. I find wikipedia helpful.
Joseph Smith's numerous wives (the youngest was 14 and he married other men's wives while they were still alive).
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/List_of_Joseph_Smith's_wives
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kinderhook_plates
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Book_of_Abraham
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Archaeology_and_the_Book_of_Mormon
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Blood_oath_(Latter_Day_Saints)
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Joseph_Smith
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Origin_of_the_Book_of_Mormon
And many others that disprove the Book Of Mormon. Your husband more than likely is not familiar with these issues and you can be the one to show him. So sorry you are going through this very unlucky experience. There is still hope to turn him around to the truth though.
snowball
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
If we were to take religion out of the equation and think about this that way, how would your situation look?
Husband would like wife to wear a certain type of underwear. Wife does not want to.
Advice columnist probably says at this point that husband needs to choose more important battles and yield on this one, or hit the road.
bc
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Perhaps, perhaps not.
Be clear that you don't believe and aren't going to believe to your husband. He may think he can manipulate you into believing.
Give him a little time to process and think through things. Then once he has done that have a serious, direct discussion to determine if you relationship can move forward.
absolutelyunsure
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
It sounds to me that this is not the only issue in your relationship with your husband or the church. My advice is to as bc said figure out where you stand with your husband and the church and decide how you want to move forward. If you feel the church is wrong get out, if you feel your husband is wrong get out of your marriage. If you feel the church is wrong and you love your husband and want to be with him then you have to find out if he truly loves you for you. If he doesn't then save your self the pain and get out of the marriage.
SandyGirl
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
If religion wasn't there, and everything with it then i think we would be fine, but that is who he is.
I grew up much different then him. I sometimes say he was brainwashes.. sigh
mtgrizzly
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Do you want to stay married this guy? Whatever the outcome of this means he stays in the church and you don't? Or, if he should become an apostate?
I think that is the root question of all this.
You are already out of the morg, one way or the other...
mtgrizzly
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Just think about it, though...
Whatever you wear is going to distract him, because it isn't garmmies...
SandyGirl
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Very true, thank you for your comment. I only ever saw myself marrying him but not if im going to be unhappy. So thanks :)
AmIDarkNow?
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
Good advice from others.
The bishop thing really pisses me off because if the bish or other leaders get involved then divorce will become real as it will be 'you vs them' with the hubby on the 'them' side.
To your hubby, "Are you married to the bish or to me? The bish needs to stay the hell out of my underwear drawer"
kimball
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
HE said "we can't raise kids in a divided house."
you did NOT say this.
That means it's up to him to solve the problem. Either he comes over to your side of disbelieving, or he divorces you. It's all on him. It's not your job to solve his fabricated problems. Tell him he's perfectly free to stop believing and things will be fine, but as far as you're concerned there is no problem with him being a believer and you not.
If he has a problem, point him to the Articles of Faith. Either he truly believes that everyone should be allowed to worship as they please (including expressions of their beliefs), including his wife and kids, or he's not a real mormon.
romy
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
exactly, the missionaries are very aggressive and do not give anywhere close to full disclosure.
If you want to realize exactly how much they left out here are a few more things you can delve into, the Adam-God theory, Joseph Smith practicing polygamy completely opposite of the way the doctrine he had "revealed" to him in D&C 132 stated. examples being that the multiple wives were supposed to be virgins and supposed to be uncommitted to another man but infact Joseph married 11 women who were already married to other men. Also the Book of Abraham which shows Joseph made up all that crazy scripture because the egyptian translations that were later done by egyptian scholars and the text was completely different. Also the real reason Joseph was even in jail, it was because he illegally destroyed a printing press that was going to out his polygamous ways..not because he was some poor pitiful guy who always did right and people just disliked his religion.
It really sucks they do this to converts, its all about getting you to commit to baptism asap and not teaching you anything that isn't "faith promoting". Even growing up in it my whole life I still wasn't told anything that wasn't faith promoting. You have to be willing to look objectively at non church material on your own to really see what you got yourself into.
weeder
He said: "there is no middle"
... your husband is what we commonly call a Nazi-Mormon. Black-and-White, no grey ever.
I use to be the same way ... fortunately for me I noticed the church was very very much GREY on so many things and I was out.
... hopefully (and I think I am) much MUCH less b&w than I was.
suckafoo
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
"Why aren't you wearing your garments?" "I don't like them. I like these better"
"But you took an oath to wear them". "Yeah, well I change my mind."
"Maybe you should go see the bishop about it." "No, I don't need to. I won't be wearing these anymore."
Put the ball in HIS court. You answer to no one in this life but yourself.
Mormoney
Re: Stopped wearing garment, HELP!
You were never told beforehand about having to wear garments? I don't think there's any part of the temple endowment that allows you to answer yes or no to the garments before they tell you to put them on. You should have been told beforehand.
Lay down the law. Do not wear them unwillingly. If you don't feel comfortable in them, take 'em off and throw them away!
Carol Y.
I was in your exact position in 1970. As of 2012, we have four children, and have been divorced for ten years. His second wife is TBM.
When you described your husband, it reminded me of the painful discussions and arguments we'd had, where I never got anywhere. I will be brutally honest. The longer you are married, the more likely yours will dig in deeper and deeper into the cult. An early divorce may be the best, so you can both move on with your lives.
"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"