How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered?
Joy Mar. 2014
I seem to be stuck at about 80% recovered, but I can live with that. I was a BIC [born in the covenant], and had an abusive upbringing, in a GA [general authority] family. It took about 5 years for the anger to go away, but I still get angry at the Mormons' newest lies
, their newest hatreds. It seems that they always come up with something. I have had to completely break off with everything Mormon in my life, because I've been as sincere in my recovery as I was in living the gospel. I saw a therapist. I recycled four shelves of LDS books, got rid of the Mormon memorabilia, redecorated the house, threw away the garments in the garbage, changed my wardrobe, even got rid of the old Mormon recipes (fattening) and prepared health food and ethnic food. My church-related nightmares have stopped. Still, perfectionism is not a good trait.
"All things Mormon" includes the personal habits and perspectives that the Mormons brainwashed into me. In letting go of those old superstitions, I have also let go of fear. I'm not afraid to be myself. I'm much less afraid of death. The vindictive Mormon God does not exist, and a kinder, more personal God of Love has taken its place. I still am a Christian, though there is enough church phobia to prevent me from officially joining any church. There are scars that will probably never heal. I won't attend Mormon funeral meetings, but go to the viewings and graveside service. All this puts me at about 80% cured.
Everyone's experience in the Mormon church is different, and mine was one of the worst. From being tortured by my older TBM brother, to following my TBM parent's and the TBM leaders' advice and turning down my atheist soul mate and marrying an RM I barely knew, to staying with the temple husband and allowing him to beat me for too long, to discovering that the ward leaders were bullying my own children--the LDS church was at the core of most of our woes. As soon as the children and I resigned, we were relieved and happy. No amount of on-going Mormon criticism, shunning, gossip, or rudeness could ever be as bad as being an actual member inside that cult.
Contrary to the Mormons' nasty threats that we would all fail in life, my children and I are successful and happy, and all are married to great people, and have houses in the same neighborhood, and sweet grandchildren for me to enjoy. I don't need false friends and busywork. I have a few old friends from my hometown, who now live in Utah, and have made some good non-Mormon friends, through work. When I'm working and living my life, I feel NORMAL--not marginalized because I'm a divorced single working mother--and I have gained some dignity and self-esteem. I can stand up against lies and wickedness. The burden of forced prejudices has been lifted, and I can love others and serve others more effectively--without judging or blaming them. Real charity work--one on one--in the community, is so gratifying!
Christmas has a new meaning for me, now, because I know more about Christ and His unconditional love for all of us. We step up our giving at work and at home, and the love and joy are overwhelming. My family goes all out, with parties and celebrations. We ski together, snowshoe, sled, and build snowmen with the kids. We go to the organ concert at the Cathedral of the Madeline, and to the Methodist Christmas Eve candlelight service, the Nutcracker, watch Christmas Vacation and toast marshmallows in the fire--and all the things the Mormons kept me too busy to do. As a Mormon, Christmas meant many scheduled rehearsals and performances for the Christmas program and the fireside, the choir, individual sacrement meeting performances, playing the organ every Sunday, teaching a Sunday school class. The two church parties were supposed to be nice, put on by the Relief Society (though we brought the food and did the work) and the ward Christmas party (we brought more food, more work). My feelings as a single woman at these married-people parties are best described by Deenie, The Dreaded Single Adult. She knew exactly what it was all about. I miss her.
It has been over 10 years, since we stopped attending the Mormon church, and our former stake of three wards is now only one ward, and one stake. Four other stake houses in our neighborhood have only one ward each. From all these consolidations, I would guess that neighborhood's attending membership has dropped 75%. Many of my cousins and even more of their young adult children have resigned. My large, staunch GA extended family used to be 99% Mormon, with me the ONLY divorced one. Now, counting the next generation, they are about at 50% non-Mormon. Those cousins are friends with me again.
This is just a snippet of how much better our lives are without the oppressive, depressing cloud of Mormonism. I'm convinced that Mormonism is evil. The temple frightened me, to the core. Right now, the Mormons are stalking my grandchildren. Now, the cult won't pay the expenses of that poor, dead missionary, yet they are building a resort in Hawaii. They will never stop, and it will always bother me. Maybe all I can hope for is an 80% recovery.
Thanks for reading. I have a job promotion, which means more work, and two more grandchildren coming this summer. For a former "failure," life is better than I ever imagined it could be! Life and love and relationships can be better for EVERYONE, after they break away from the false authority of the Mormon cult.
Thank you, everyone on RFM, for your support, for your help, for your enlightening facts, for your solid reasoning, and your constant search for THE TRUTH. I will lurk here. I love you guys!
lostinutah
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
awesome post!!!
slipperyslope
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
You are an inspiration. 80% recovery sounds wonderful to me. Best wishes in your job. Congratulations on your grandchildren. Wish I knew you personally. So glad to hear of your wonderful world outside tscc.[this so called church]
blueorchid
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
That is a beautiful post. So happy for you. You actually sound more than 80%. All I know is that when days and weeks go by without so much as a thought about it all, that's good whatever the percentage.
I honestly feel 100%. It causes no major problems in my life now that I have accepted that the family will be the last ones out. The devil dreams and mission dreams have stopped. The anger at my TBM brother has stopped. I know my parents are victims too. Listening to my mother ramble on about the church bores me now. I accept that our relationship is "Mormon shallow."
However, because the Mormon church was a monumental part of my past, I retain a fascination with it, and even more, I just want to make sure the truth is out there for others. Just because you aren't being conned yourself doesn't mean you don't want to see the con stopped. I hate seeing them get away with it all.
glad2see
Re: So happy for you! God Bless
idahowonder
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
80% sounds amazing!!
I'm so glad I found this board. You guys are giving me serious hope that I will get there some day and that maybe others in my family will start to follow.
I'll cross my fingers for them and stay grounded here where it's safe!
stoppedtheinsanity
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
That was such an awesome post! Thanks for sharing that. It sounds like you have found much joy in your life!!
tevai
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
This is a beautiful post.
I am so happy for you!!!
Recovered Mormon
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
Best wishes to you! Thanks for sharing this story.
In the medical world, a 80% recovery rate is considered a huge success. Think of a surgery where before you were in pain 100% of the time.
The scar might still hurt once in awhile, but you aren't walking in daily pain and getting worse.
Things might still annoy you down the road and that is normal.
What does 100 % recovered look like to you?
RMM
Greyfort
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
I would say that I'm 100% recovered in that I'm as recovered as one can be. Mormonism will always be a part of our lives. We can't escape that. So perhaps a true 100% isn't possible. I'm 100% of what is possible.
I still stay here though, just because I want to, but not because I need it. I like the people.
armtothetriangle
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
Bravo! And thank you. You and I know faith is much different outside of tscc, fuller, more personal, richer.
It's been 30 years since I identified with being mormon. From the time I started to think of myself religiously as part of xyz church, I no longer thought of myself as exmormon. Losing 'mormon identity' is the long haul, maybe the final phase of escaping. Whether the concepts of worthiness/superiority were so deeply engrained that these are still in my character, I can't say for certain. What is sure is the farther away from mormonism I got, the more I became genuinely kinder and more honest. It's another of the great lies that true happiness and morals exist only inside tscc's circumscribed behaviors. It's the difference between appearances and substance.
Although I don't know you personally, it makes me happy to read where your journey has taken you. Again, congratulations!
I
caffiend
You sound much more than "80% recovered, Joy."
And I think your username is as beautiful as it is appropriate. Our goal should be not merely to stop wallowing in our unfortunate cultic past, but to be actually achieving useful lives filled with purpose, wholesome friends, families, and activities, and...joy!
caffiend
Thanks for your post, Joy.
...if you're still following this. If not, well, good for you, anyway.
I took the liberty of sending this link to a member of an ex-Christian Science board I am active on. She is still having trouble ridding herself of all that Mary Baker Eddy nonsense, and I think your experience can serve as a positive example of recovery from cultic experience.
Godspeed.
ellenl
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
What a powerful post!
I hope people who want to leave, but are fearful, will read your post and be encouraged by your experience and that of your children.
You may not feel that you're 100% recovered, but it sounds like you have built a wonderful life. I am so glad for you.
Lethbridge Reprobate
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
95%....99% on my best days...
Ron Burr
travis
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
Interesting time to ask that. I was BIC, RM, temple marriage, walked away from it all at 35 years of age. That was 22 years ago.
Tonight I attended a Patrick's Day dinner at the catholic church. My wife is a TBC buts puts zero pressure on me to convert so I agree to attend on occasion with her.
As we walked through the line to buy tickets they offered us beer andwine tickets. It didn't phase me at all have alcohol at a church function.
Tonight, I felt recovered.
summer
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
I've been inspired by your story for years, Joy. I'm glad that you've found a happy life. Congratulations on your promotion!
androidandy
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
80% recovered from cultish Mormonism is excellent!!
I laugh a LOT at the absurdity of my former church.
Laughter is great medicine to aid in the recovery from a destructive cult that can ruin lives.
Thanks to RfM and the great posters, I'm less angry and laugh more.
It helps to live 1000 miles away from where my church upbringing occured too.
kgigeque
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
Joy - Your 80% recovery goes way beyond anything I have ever done, and you are epically heroic in my book. I have been out 40 years, I am far away from all things Mormon, and I just read here sometimes because I am so removed that I don't discuss things well. I consider myself recovered, but I still hate Mormonism -- not for me, but for the Mormon siblings whom I love and miss being close to. I escaped early and I will always be happy I did, but I had it relatively easy. You, though, have accomplished amazing things, and you have my complete admiration. Alice
angela
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
I would say I am as close 100% recovered as is probably possible. I was fortunate not to have to deal with LDS family members.
Theses days when I come here, it's just to see where the LDS church is at. Tom's case has me checking in more often, more so because I am a news nut and with ex-mo ties, it's interesting.
But no, I rarely find myself looking thru an LDS view of things. And I have gotten pretty good at knowing when it does kick in….
I can say I have been healed and am recovered of Mormonism
anagrammy
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
I think 100% recovered means accepting Mormonism is part of who you are, part of your unique journey which helped make you who you are today.
Doesn't mean you don't still hate the abusive church, but it is similar in my mind to having been in a concentration camp. You wouldn't choose it, but you are not having the number on your arm removed because you are proud of surviving.
Every exMormon has defeated the Momob by rejecting their bullshit and refusing to support their effort to enslave people via fraud.
That is something to be really proud of because it is hard to face the shunning, the loss of face, the disappointment of parents and siblings, the possible loss of employment, the disgrace.
"A realization (of reality as opposed to a delusion) is the white transparent light at the center of the prism, not the rainbow or colors around it." --Tenzin Palmo (Englishwoman who lived in a cave for 12 years meditating)
That core of insight and power is with you always, an amazing gift from overcoming the attempt of powerful men to hijack your life.
Recognition that benefits can come from tragedy is the final sixth step of grief.
Best
Anagrammy
gentlestrength
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
Nice post. Best to you. I think being at peace with 80% shows you have grown a lot since leaving Mormonism. We were conditioned to fuss and fury over everything less than 100%. That is not a healthy mind set.
Best.
ragingphoenix
Re: How "recovered" are you? Is anyone 100% recovered? Farewell, God Bless.
Amazing post! Thank you for sharing your journey!
"Recovery from Mormonism - www.exmormon.org"